legendofthebluemonkeydough (Pronounced as written)

Mr kipling was entirely bored of jam tarts, and anyway he was sure they were the catalyst to the break down of his and Auntie Betties liason. But come on, we all know that woman cradles her Yorkshire Puddings just a little too tenderly to be entirely legal, if you know what i mean. Whilst Kipling stood pondering a moment suddenly an idea struck him,
"ouch" said kipling, "what was that for?"
"apologies" replied the idea "but t'was for thine own good"
"why do you speak like a cretin?" Kipling interrogated, but, dear reader, you must understand that kipling was still a little peeved at the gratuitous violence already having occured in this scene, and not that he is rather nasty.

The idea shrugged its shoulders, in the way ideas do and sighed the sigh of a broken man who had lost everything dear to him and instantly knew it was the fault of the women, the fast cars, the gambling, and those mouldy CoCo Pops(Co) he found behind the couch last week.
"wait a minute" cried kipling, genuinely concerned, "that sounded just like you sighed the sigh of a broken man who had lost everything dear to him and instantly knew it was the fault of the women, the fast cars, the gambling, and those mouldy CoCo Pops(Co) he found behind the couch last week."
"yay, 'tis true"
"what's the matter"
The idea proceeded to describe the centuries of misery and suffering, the pain and humiliation that wracked his mortal coil twisting him and embittering him to the point where every waking moment, every moment spent in bus queues, star trek conventions and even Subway sandwich outlets was a living purgatory and a vile tribute to the awful memories of his sordid past.
"gosh" said mister kipling
"i know" said the idea accepting a tissue, proceeding to blow his nose and examining it just a little too eagerly for Mr. Kipling to feel totally at ease. "but enough about me, i think you were supposed to be having an idea"
"indeed, you are right" said Kipling, wincing.
The idea struck him again.
"why so hard?!" Moaned kipling.
And with these words spoken legend has it that Mr. kipling made the worlds first, last and only batch of bluemonkeydough.

DISCLAIMER: But i could be lying.
This was written by me, hannah button, for reasons i am not entirely sure why but anywho its better than doing an english essay so it seemed right at the time. HELPME

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