Just Zeus It

Once upon a midnight dreary, Zeus awoke weak and weary. He look toward his bedroom door and realized his foot was sore. He sprang out of bed to reconcile the matter, but what to his wondering eyes should appear was a lump on his foot. This lump was no ordinary lump. It was an extraordinary lump unlike any he had ever seen, heard, felt, or even dreamt of. In fact, it was not a lump at all. This lump was actually a chipmunk. Ordinarily, Zeus would not have been bother by a chipmunk growing out of his foot, but the chipmunk was extremely annoying. This posed a problem and Zeus was quick to find a solution. Zeus amputated his own foot.

Although he had solved one problem, he now had another. Zeus was in dire need of a foot. Fortunately, Zeus is all-powerful, and he quickly whipped one up. Unfortunately, he gave himself the foot of a snake. Apparently, Zeus is a moron. Zeus now had a problem that he could not fix. Since Zeus is all-powerful, not even he can reverse his own ultra magnificent magic. There was only one teensy weensy creature, which could help him now. This creature dwells in trees and gathers nuts, and has a tendency to be extremely annoying and especially talkative. Yup! You guessed it. Zeus needed the chipmunk’s help. Meanwhile, chipmunk was plotting his mischievous revenge on Zeus.

Well within its lair in the depths of the greatest tree in the forest, the chipmunk drew out the blueprints to Zeus’s death. He carefully plotted every aspect to be flawless and undoubtedly successful. He would strike at midnight. At this time every night, Zeus takes a walk across the grassy knoll. He planned to commission the grasshoppers to set this knoll on fire. Dum Dum Dum!* There were only two and half problems. Halfly, the grasshoppers would not want to set the knoll on fire, lest they would become roasted. Firstly, Zeus would be able to extinguish the mighty blaze. Lastly, grasshoppers are not capable of setting fire to knolls. The despaired chipmunk headed back to the drawing board. After several weeks of deliberation, he decided that he would shoot Zeus with his 45-caliber rifle, which Zeus had just created last year whilst chipmunk hunting. The stage was set. Zeus must die!

Meanwhile Zeus still had a serpentine foot. He kept on trying to work his way around the system. He thought and thought and thought and thought, but could not fathom a solution to his predicament**. After a few weeks of constant pondering, Zeus paid a visit to the local snake. Then it occurred to him. Snakes had always been slimy creatures. Zeus really was not really*** sure why those slippery fellows had feet anyway. Snakes were so displeased with their feet that more often then not, they ended up selling to the highest bidder. So Zeus banished snake legs from the Earth for the time being at least. Dum Dum Dum*. Anyway, Zeus now had fixed his snake leg problem, and realized that in the process his original leg was reattached. Elated he made his way to the grassy knoll for his daily stroll.

Little did he know that the chipmunk was waiting for him. No sooner did Zeus make his was down his well-trodden path did the chipmunk jump out from the bushes to reconcile their differences. Zeus had had just about enough of this chipmunk and did not want to hear another utterance come out of its chattering mouth. So, he banished the chipmunk from ever making a sound again with one giant swoop of his all mighty arm. However, as previously derived, Zeus is not the most pointed of all the nails. He screwed up. Instead of banishing the chipmunk from speaking, it gave the chipmunk an even more annoying chattering voice. Dismayed, the chipmunk was no longer able to ask Zeus for his final words and did not have the heart to blow his brains out. And thus the day was saved.

Currently 7.76/10
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Rating: 7.8 out of 97 votes cast