Wizard of Oz - Ghetto Style
Daweesha sat outside on her front porch of her three family home in Waterbury, Connecticut. It was located on North Main Street, overlooking the fine scenery: drug deals, gang fights, and people smoking crack. The apartment Daweesha lived in had a small farm with it, which consisted of roaches, rats, and maggots. However, she thought life was beautiful.Daweesha went in the house to get ready to go out with a few friends. She stared at herself in the leftover pieces of the broken bathroom mirror. "Day-um Dawg, how da hell can you let yo'self sit outside lookin' like a piece of ass fo' sho?" she said to herself. She whipped her makeup out of her thong. She applied half a stick of eyeliner, glittery eyeshadow, lipgloss, lipstick, lots of foundation, and finally, tons of mascara. After that, it was time for her hair. She decided to go for the wet look, since she thought it would make guys think she was "wet". Then, it was time to dress like a skank. After she put size three pants on her size 7 ass, she was pretty much ready to go. She took one last glimpse in the mirror before she walked out the door. Shoving her makeup back into her thong, she mumbled something inauditable, most likely a rap song, and strolled out the door. Her dog, Boo, followed her. She didn't mind.
At this time, it was 7:00 on a Friday night, when people just started leaving their homes. It was official drug deal time, kinda like 4:20 is official pothead time. She started walking down the street and found her friend Jessica. Jessica had a 40 ounce in one hand, and a joint in the other. Jessica handed Daweesha a joint, which she placed in her pocket. This was the average "look" for someone around there, kind of like, shoes, makeup, a fat joint, and some beer. It was automatic.
Jessica and Daweesha went to meet their boyfriends. Tyler, Jessica's boyfriend, was 16 years old, and a proud member of the Latin kings. Daweesha's boyfriend, Gallo (who used to be called penis pooper as a boy... The name gallo beats it by far), was also a member of the gang. Tyler and Gallo were both tall, thin, Puerto Rican boys. They had been friends since they had been caught beating on some asshole one day. Ever since, 'dey been bro’z, foo.
Jessica walked up to Tyler, and as they greeted each other, they dryhumped. After saying hi to eachother, the couples started walking. They walked down to East Main Street and North Main Street's intersection. They had to go there... The Latin Kings and the Michaels (another gang) were there to battle--Battle to the point where ONE group is left standing. As the Latin kings arrived, the opposing gang arrived as well. They were standing, staring at each other. Both groups were armed with knives, mase, baseball bats, guns, and pictures of Cher. Anyway, both gangs had their girlfriends with them. The girls were all alike--all had a hundred bucks of stolen makeup on, both had the ghetto hair-do's, and both had a rotten attitude towards each other. One of Gallo's ex's, Ebony, of the Michaels, yelled to the Latin Kings. "Yo Gallo foo, I see yah got yahself an ugly ho, I be warning you, she don't wanna mess wit me you foo-bastard bitchass", she yelled. Daweesha gasped, and involuntarily tried running to Ebony to 'whoop dat ass' of hers. Unfortunately, Jessica restrained her. Daweesha yelled instead. "I AINT TRYINA HEAR DAT, SEE?" "oh Nooo you di'int!" Ebony screamed, as she waved her hand around and snapped. "You is too ugly to be's startin shit wit me, bee-YOTCH!" This was the last straw. Daweesha broke free of Jessica's restraint and ran to the Michael's side. She swung at Ebony, and then wiped Ebony's makeup off her hand and onto her shirt. Ebony grabbed her boyfriend Chris's baseball bat and said softly to Daweesha, "Bizounce, bitch". After she said that, she knocked Daweesha out cold.
The next morning, Daweesha awoke with sunlight shining on her face. "What da hell?" and yelled "Mom, you such a bitch, I aint tryina be waked up by dis damn sunlight" She opened her eyes and looked around. This place was odd.. This place had a mattress... and a window... and it didn't smell like heated cat piss. It wasn't Daweesha's home, that's for sure. “Ah shit” Daweesha said, “Social services ain’t be taken me away again or I gon’ beat them mutha fuckas.” Feeling light headed and hung-over from the beer, Daweesha went downstairs to find some Tylenol.
Downstairs, she spotted her dog, Boo. Bewildered, they wandered outside. It was beautiful, like nothing she had ever seen before. The grass was green, the sky was blue, and the scenery was breathtaking. There were no other houses around, but there was a path. Daweesha decided to follow, although she couldn’t see where it lead to. She followed the trail for a long while, and she was pretty much bundled up. All the walking made her hot, so she took her coat off. That’s when she realized that she had all the same clothes on as the previous night. Her face was still made up, and her hair was still ghetto-looking and hairsprayed. She stuck her hand down her pants, only to discover that, yes, her makeup was still there. She was thankful for that. She tied her jacket around her waist and continued walking. After about an hour, she saw a small village ahead of her. She got excited, but then said to herself, “Dang girl, no need fo' a orgasm over some small boonie town thing”. She was always saying pointless things like that.
After fifteen more minutes of walking, she reached the village. Nobody was outside; it was like the whole town was sleeping. She decided to sit by a small pond with Boo. Boo jumped right up on her lap. Daweesha pet him, which was weird because she never really expressed love for her pets. She even spoke gibberish to Boo, calling him her “little puppy wuppy”. As that was happening, she heard a loud crunch. It sounded like a rabid leprechaun eating Cereal or something. She shut up immediately. If anybody heard her talking to Boo that way, they’d start frontin' they balls off fo sho, yo. Daweesha wouldn’t never live it down!
“Who be’s crunchin?!” she yelled.
All she could hear was someone cracking up.
“Oh, you think dis is fuckin’ funny? I ain’t smoked chronic in freeking 13 hours, so don’t you be fuckin’ wit me fo sho!” she bitched.
Just then... Someone popped out of a bush. Why, it was the Lucky Charms leprechaun!
“If you’re going to speak English, do it with an Irish accent!” he exclaimed
Daweesha saw that he had a bag of marshmallows in his hand. “Yo, gimme some of dat” She demanded.
“Ay! They’re always trying to get me lucky charms!” he said as he stomped his foot and pulled the bag away.
“Ok, quit fronten, now where da hell is I? What is dis shizzy? Antarctica or some shit?” she asked.
“Uh, no, lass... This is Ireland!” Said the leprechaun.
“Where is Ireland? Isn’t dat in Texas or somethin?” She questioned.
“No, it’s a country near England” Leprechaun said.
“Oh, dats phat. How’d I get here? Is dis some kind of boot camp?” she asked
“Well, I’m not sure how you got here. We can get you home, though!Where are you from, anyway?” leprechaun said
“I be representen H20Bury, Connecticut!” She said
“Ah, the good ole US of A.” leprechaun said “Well, who can be takin me home?” Daweesha asked
“The richest person of all Ireland can. She lives in a castle...” Leprechaun said
“Whats dat shizzy’s name?” She asked
“Her name is Enya.. and she lives over yonder, Lass!” Leprechaun told her.
“Aight, how I get there?” She asked
“Follow the grey gravel road!”Leprechaun exclaimed. Just then, tons of little leprechauns popped out of everywhere, all saying in unison, “follow the grey gravel road!”
“Yo, dis is kinda like that movie--” Daweesha started to say
“Which? The Wizard of Oz?” Leprechaun asked
“Naaah, dat movie where deese people wit guns smoke trees and den start bustin caps in Jodie Foster’s ass.. you know?”
Leprechaun let her leave without responding.
She and Boo started walking down the road. Daweesha felt around her coat pocket as she put it back on. In there, she found a can of Pepsi, a pack of Newports, a lighter, and the same unsmoked joint from the previous night. She put it to her mouth and lit it.
“Well, if I be gettin high, this crap is gonna go by faster, and they say that one joint be similar to four cigarettes, so I be’s preservin mah nicotine!” She said. Her tolerance was still very low, so time passed by very fast when she was high. About halfway through the joint, she was already laughing her ass off and felt happy as hell.
“May'an. I be lonely. I need a man!” She said
Just then, she heard footsteps behind her. She once again got excited, hoping that a ghetto guy was behind her.
“You knowww you wanteh my bodyyyyyyyyyy!” She slurred, with a big smile on her face.
As she turned around, her eyes widened. She saw who was behind her.. why.. It was Richard Simmons! Daweesha looked at Richard Simmons up and down, and then concluded, “Hey! You dat guy dat tries to make dem fat people lose weight!”
“Yeahhhh, that would most certainly be me! Richard Simmons!” Richard said, with a lisp.
“How you be?” Daweesha asked, still shocked that the world’s scariest man, Richard Simmons, was standing right before her eyes.
“I’m alright, I guess, but I’m trying to find my way home... Some lady at the antique shop told me that a woman named Enya can help me!” Richard said, enthusiastically.
“Dawg, I be tryin to find my way to Enya’s castle, too! You be wantin' to keep me company?” Daweesha said.
“Well, Sure! I would love to!” Richard said, eyeing Boo.“And who is this little fella?”
“Boo. He be mah dog.” Daweesha pet Boo. “Don’t be gettin’ on his bad side, Richard, I be tellin you”
Richard looked at Daweesha with tears in his eyes.
"Why you bein such a pussy?" Daweesha questioned.
Richard looked at her... "Can I trust you?"
Daweesha nodded.
"Well, when I was a child... Fifteen to be exact... my grandpa had a dog.. just like Boo here... and, one day, I was running around naked... and--"
Daweesha cut him off. "dont tell me you fucked the dog you sick fuckin bastard, cause I be tellin' you, if you even think of fuckin' mah Boo, or even wankin off near mah Boo, I'll kill you!" she exclaimed.
"Will you let me finish?" Richard asked.
"Go ahead, dog fucker". Daweesha saw he was serious and shut up.
"So, the dog really liked meat.. and hated people.. and I fell on top of him.. and he.. bit my whole packaged area off. It's gone... all gone..."
"Ah shit. Well doesn't that suck balls. Oh wait..." Daweesha replied. She didn't know what else to say.
"But there's a bright side" Richard explained. "See, I was a fat kid at the time. And, before the accident I weighed a whopping hundred and fourty eight pounds and three ounces... but after I weighed an amazing one hundred and fourty seven pounds and eight ounces!!"
"Dat's coo... I think... I never lost weight before cause my ass be gettin da cusion fo' da pushin ya know" She responded. And with that, they decided to go to sleep.
The next morning, Daweesha awoke in Richard Simmons’s arms, wish his jacket over both of them. Boo had gone to tinkle and was just appearing in Daweesa’s sight. He was carrying something in his mouth, so Daweesha figured it was litter or something. He came closer with it, and Daweesha could almost make out what it was...Not as well as she made out with Richard, though. Boo came closer.. why.. He had a cell phone!!
“Well spank my ass and call me Nancy! Boo bringed me a phone!” Daweesha exclaimed. She grabbed the phone out of Boo’s mouth, and studied it. It felt light, so she shook it. It sounded like a maracca. She pressed the numbers, but all she could hear was the tune of “London Bridge”. She figured out that it was a candy cell phone from a convenience store.
“Mother fuckin' pig wanker!” Daweesha screamed. She threw the phone and watched all the candy fly out. It was disappointing.
Richard was still beside her. He heard the commotion and looked around.
“W...What happened?? I didn't talk in my sleep, did I?” He asked.
“Nah, Boo bringed me back some trash, dats all”She told him
“Oh...” Richard hesitated. “We should get walking, and burn some fat!”
“Mmm-hmm, I gostsa find mah way to Enya castle an’ go home!” Daweesha said.
“Yeah, I need to go home too. I don’t know where my fans are without me!” Richard explained,“They could be gaining their weight back by now!”
Daweesha smiled faintly to the thought of getting back home, but then wiped the smile off her face when she realized how much a pube she was being. They got up and began walking. Daweesha glanced at her dog and scooped Boo up into her arms. As she was walking, she saw something black in the distance. At this point, they were in a forest, so it was hard to tell what it was. Richard and Daweesha both saw it, but didn't say anything to each other.
As they approached this object, they heard noises getting louder and louder.
“MEHSAH LOCOOOO” It said.
Daweesha turned to Richard. “Wha’s he tryina say?” Richard shrugged his shoulders, and they both just pondered until they could get to the object. Daweesha studied it, and noted that it was in the shape of a human... It was very dirty, so they could not see his face or anything. Daweesha turned Boo on his back and used his fur to brush off the object’s 'face'. She sent Richard for some water.
“Hmm, a sexy Puerto Rican” Daweesha said to herself. She continued brushing him off. He was very stiff, as his shirt was made out of old leather. His pants were, too. This man sure was a stiffie!
“Mehhhhsahhh locoooooooo” He muttered, once again. Daweesha found some greasy leather oil junk in a bottle, next to an old tree. She began rubbing it on him. First his shoulders... down his back... she skipped down to his legs, and went up to his bubbly hiney-ass. Then, she turned him on his back and worked on his front side. She started at the shoulders, once again. She sat her ass down on his person’s chest area and worked her way down. The person was quiet now, and Daweesha wondered why he couldn’t speak. She stopped working on his stomach, and began prying open his mouth. His teeth, why, they were beautiful; they were unbelievably white and straight. Oh, and his eyes, hair, and skin were all the color of mocha. All this working made Daweesha tired. He did wear her out, all right.
“He best not push and pull me down” Daweesha said to herself.
His jaw was too stiff for some reason, so she ignored it and worked on his front-side. Cough, cough. And, at last, he could finally move! It was like magic... but instead of making him lazy, it made him have an unbelievable amount of energy. He was a bit stiff though. As he stood up, he threw off his shirt, pantalones, and anything else he was wearing, which exposed his thin, built, sexy as boogers body.
Daweesha’s eyes widened as she recognized this man.
“Hey! You looks like dat guy who dont say he gay but he dont say he straight either! Dat Ricky Martin guy!” Daweesha exclaimed.
“I guess you could say that... Uh... I AM Ricky Martin.” Ricky said as he began to shake his ass.
“So is you?” Daweesha asked.
“Am I what?” Ricky said
“Are you gay??” Daweesha said eagerly.
“No, I’m bi!” He said, sadly.
“So you likes the guys?! I knew it!” Daweesha said happily.
“Umm, yes, that is true.” Ricky said, looking at his exposed weiner.
“I gon’ tell Babawa Wawalters about dat and make moey off it!” Daweesha said.
“Uh, well, that’s the thing. I don’t have enough courage to tell everyone... I’m going to find Enya at her magical castle so she can help me! I was on my way.. but my pants stiffened...Man, those pants were HOT HOT HOT!” Ricky said as he stretched his legs.
“How big is yo dick??” Daweesha asked.
“What the.. That has nothing to do with what we just talked about! I choose not to answer that. Nobody has a right to know. I mean, why is that anybody's business? I like to sit at home and mastur..I mean.. meditate. It's nostalgic.” Ricky seemed pissed off and his rambling that made no sense.
“Sorry.. wanna come wit me an’ Richard to da castle?” Daweesha asked.
“Sure!” Ricky said.
Richard was just re-appearing in the distance. As Ricky and Richard saw each other, excitement and pure horniness flushed right through their body. They both ran up and hugged eachother. Daweesha stared at them blankly.
“You two agitated?” She asked
“Agitated? Oh... Acquainted... We're more then acquainted... We’re butt brothers! We were stuck in a daisy chain at one point... Me, Ricky, Mel Gibson, Melissa Ethridge, Christopher Lowell, Nick Carter, and the guy in the Barney costume were in it. Out of all of them, me and Ricky boinked to each other the most! I mean.. Melissa..she was such a poser!” Richard told her.
“Rich..how da fuck is dat possible.. I tho...nevahmind...dats gross.. !” Daweesha said.
But somehow, happiness overcame all of them. They all quieted down, began holding hands, and began skipping. But as they skipped through the woods on the way to Enya's magical mystical castle though, something started getting thrown at them. They were like, large, hard, heavy balls that smelled foul and hurt when they hit them. After analyzing them, they figured out what it was... why, it was MONKEY poopies!
{DUN DUN DUNNN}
They turned, only to find a monkey. How unexpected. “HOW DARE YOU THROW YO TURDS AT US, YOU SHIT ASS?!” Daweesha screamed.
“I can do whatever the hell I want in MY forest! Now LEAVE!” Monkey said.
“Dis ain't YOUR forest. Dis is Ireland! And since USA is a free country, Texas is free too. And since Ireland is in Texas, dat means it’s free here, you freeking pube-swinger. So, I can do what ever I want diz forest since it aint yours, it be America's forest, you PUSSY!” Daweesha screamed. She made no sense, but it scared the monkey off. It walked away slowly with a bewildered look on its face.
They began skipping once again, and sang an Enya song as they did except for Richard, who sang Shania Twain's "Man, I feel like a woman"
"Combin my hair doin a dare...I wanna be free and feel the way I feel, man.. I feel like a woman." Richard sang.
They had been skipping for hours by the time night fell. They had decided to rest for the night at an open pasture that they found on the wooden path. Daweesha, Richard, and Ricky and laid out their clothes to lay on for the night. Within an hour, all three were sleeping. It seemed like 5 minutes had passed when Daweesha woke up. She woke up to the soothing sound of birds singing with the sunrise. She had never really awoken to that. The usual sound she awoke to was actually gunshots, so, she didn’t mind hearing something different than she was used to.
She glanced over at Richard, but the sight she saw pissed her off more than ever. She saw Richard’s head resting on Ricky’s (still naked) chest! Daweesha was fuming. She stood up, brushing the leaves and dirt and grass stuff off of her, and walked over to Richard and Ricky.
“WHAT THE FRICK WERE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES DOING?” She screamed.
Richard and Ricky glanced up, and rubbed the stars out of their eyes.
“Something magical--” Ricky began to say, but Richard was quick to shush him up.
“I THOUGHT YOU LIKED ME!! NOT EACHOTHA!” Daweesha screamed. She sounded like a cracked out Madonna.
Richard nodded, and told Daweesha “Hey... We’re sorry... ”
Daweesha’s facial expression showed that she was once again calm.
“In dat case... Aight. Dats fine. I ain't give a shit. I don't want yo' crabs. Less' get waking you fucking cows.”
Richard, Ricky, and Daweesha all got dressed in the wilderness, picked up their belongings, and began to walk to their destination: Enya’s castle. As they walked, they had a nice conversation.
“So... You have a nice night?” Daweesha asked them, sarcastically.
“Oh yes... It was great. It was a nice experience”. Ricky replied.
Daweesha nodded. “So, how long ya think it’ll be until we reaches Enya’s castle?”
“I’d say... 643,000 calories to Enya’s castle!” Richard lisped, as usual. Nobody responded. They did not want to hear Richard’s lame ass jokes all day long. A few miles ahead of their last words, they spotted a fork in the road. The three discussed it, and decided to take the right one first, since it was Richard’s right ball that itched the most. He thought it was some sort of sign. But, as they walked, they heard something.
“Giyaaaaaaaadaaaaaaaaaaadaaaaaaaaa” was the sound coming from the left path. They heard the sound again, and stayed silent. Daweesha wanted to go see what it was.
She started down the left path, and heard it again. “Giyaaaaaaaadaaaaaaaaaaadaaaaaaaaa” the sound occurred a third time. This time, though, it came from above Daweesha’s head. Daweesha looked behind her at Richard and Ricky who were far behind her, poking a handicapped squirrel with a stick.
Then Daweesha looked up, and was shocked. “Hey! You dat blonde chick dat gived Fred Durst and Carson Daly slut rabies, and then fucked Britney Spears and her father, [NOTE: STORY WAS WRITTEN BEFORE ACTUAL CHRISTINA/BRITNEY KISS. Go Dayna. Woot.] and dyed your hairs red, den black, den orange and did all dis crazy shit, and den you made this dumb album in English AND Spanish even tho you isn’t one bit Rican! You fought wit EVERYONE on the Mickey Mouse club, and den you fucked some dudes on da streetz and dragged yo' ass around on da floor like a sick puppy wit diarrhea.”
The girl nodded, and said once again “Gitchie yaaaaaaaadaaaaaaaaaaadaaaaaaaaa”.
Daweesha asked, “Yo Christina Aguilera.. Is the yo mating call?”
Christina Aguilera answered, “Yes. It seems that I’ve slept with just about every man.. and woman alive, so I’m searching for wildlife to sleep with now!”
“Well...Maybe Enya can help you find a buddy... we’s goin to her castle. Wanna come?” Daweesha invited.
Ricky and Richard came up behind her, staring at Christina Aguilera in disbelief. “Of course I’d like to come, eh hehehehe hehehehe heheheheheheheh” Christina giggled.
Daweesha began to feel raindrops and wiped them onto her shirt. "Ah shit, anyone got an umbrella?"
"Why?" Richard asked.
"It's rainin...ain't it supposed to be hotter in Texas?" Daweesha asked
"Uh..it's not raining, and it DOES rain a lot in Ireland. This isn't Te-has either." Richard responded. "And by the way, I REALLY think you should check out the.. uh.. sky"
Daweesha looked up and began flipping out. "Close your legs you disgusting fucking whore!" she screamed to Christina Aguilera, who was still in the tree. Apparently Richard was right; it was not raining. Christina was dripping onto Daweesha.
Christina looked down, and began climbing out of the tree. "Sorry," the crazy bitch replied.
She got down, the three turned around, and started down the right path once again. They had been walking for days now, and were dirty, hungry, and one certain one was in her own little withdrawal state from marijuana.
But finally... they saw their destination! A big, beautiful castle in the distance, which the world’s most magical person, Enya, who could send them all home and give them their wishes, lived in. Daweesha looked at Richard, with her eyes widened.
“Is dat ENYA’s castle?” she squealed.
“It looks just like it did in the pictures!” Richard said as he grabbed his right ball, and scratched it in celebration of reaching their destination. The castle was far off in the distance, but at least it could be seen. Christina looked dumbly excited, and just went with the flow. The four began running and skipping, sort of at the same time in excitement.
Within about 20 minutes, they were outside the gates of Enya’s castle. Daweesha was finally showing some girly emotion. She had tears in her eyes and she finally spilt her guts.
“I’ve been waiting to get here for so long. Since our journey commenced, I’ve had a horrible feeling that I’d never find this place, and be lost in Ireland for the rest of my life. But, then I met you two,” she said, eyeing Richard and Ricky, but ignoring Christina, “And you two changed my life. Honestly. I don’t know what I would have done without you guys. But now our journey is over, and we might never see each other again. But you will always be in here with me” Daweesha said, pointing in between her boobs. Richard and Ricky stared at her in disbelief. Daweesha stared at them in disbelief, too.
“Holy crack monkey, I said something semi-intelligent! I Really AM smart! And it’s all thanks to you!” Daweesha said, while she hugged Richard and Ricky.
The group, with the exception of Christina, who had left to go find someone to bang her, decided to try to find the magical Enya in her castle. They slowly opened the gate, walked up the path, and up to the door. There was a knocker. Daweesha grabbed the knocker, and knocked hard on the door. And, within a few seconds, the door began to open. The three were now crying tears of joy.
“You... you are Enya... I can’t believe...” Ricky hesitated.
Enya stood in the doorway, and nodded. “I'm Enya. I sing the Sail Away song, and I’ve always wanted to meet you, Ricky Martin. And, who are your friends?”
Enya had a magical voice.
“This is Daweesha, from Connecticut, and Richard Simmons, from Gainesville, Florida. See, the three of us have been trying to find you. We wanted to know if you could help us.” Ricky said.
“Why, I’d be happy to. What would you need help with? I might not be able to fulfill it today, for today is another one of my LAZY DAYS.” Enya told them.
Ricky decided to explain. Richard and Daweesha were just staring at Enya with their mouths wide open.
“Well, see, Daweesha had gotten into a gang fight, and somehow ended up here, in Ireland. And Richard, he’s trying to get home, too. I wanted to ask you to help me find the courage... to admit that I’m a bisexual Puerto Rican.”
Enya nodded, and smiled. “Of course, if I was ON MY WAY HOME, I’d come to me, too” She laughed.
Ricky, Richard, and Daweesha looked at eachother and started crying harder. It was a good cry, for they were SO happy to be going home.
“I WANT TOMORROW to be the day for me to do this, however. My magical Irish singing powers are charging over there,” Enya said, as she pointed to the toaster, “But, you could stay here for the night. Daweesha, where would you like to sleep? I figured I’d let the WILD CHILD pick her bedroom.”Enya walked them up the winding spiral stairs of her castle, and Daweesha quietly pointed out the room she wanted to sleep in.
“Dang. Enya... This is a nice place you’ve got.” Daweesha said softly.
“Why, yes” Enya laughed again, “People tell me it’s like a FAIRYTALE. Up here, it’s beautiful. It’s typical to have A DAY WITHOUT RAIN and ONLY TIME can tell when it does rain. And think, it's Ireland! Land of THE CELTS! Look out that window over there.. which overlooks the ocean, far off in the distance. Sometimes, I just want to get out and go to the ORINOCO FLOW... I love the CARIBBEAN BLUE Ocean, which is why I picked this castle out of them all. ONE BY ONE, the castles all had their own unique qualities that I considered moving into. But this, this was great. ONLY IF I could have them all. ANYWHERE IS nice for me, but this is better than nice. It’s fantastic. The garden is great, too. It has nice, CHINA ROSES, and at night, ‘all the stars are FALLEN EMBERS’, it’s really great.”
“Uh, was it necessary to keep using your song names?” Richard asked, trying not to be rude.
“Well, thats how I named the songs, Silly.” Enya said, walking off.
She walked them up the stairs and gave them their 3 seperate rooms. They slept soundly, all tired out by their journey. They dreamt of getting their wishes... Or were they preminitions?
Daweesha woke up, and went downstairs. She smelled thick slabs of Irish bacon and blood sausage cooking, and as she approached the kitchen, she saw Enya cooking as Richard and Ricky naturally sucked the juice out of their meat.
"Man Enya, you make some good food!" Richard said, trying to conceal the fact that he was worried about gaining weight...
Daweesha sat next to Richard, who was at the four-person table. Enya's chair was across from him, and Ricky sat across from Daweesha. Enya walked up to Daweesha with a plate of bacon, eggs, blood sausage, and toast for her, too. Daweesha thanked her, and began to eat the shitty food. Enya got a plate for herself, and sat down. The three talked.
"So, Enya, do you always cook such... nutritious breakfasts like this?" Richard questioned.
Daweesha eyed him, trying to make it less obvious that he was concerned about the calories. Richard kicked Daweesha under the table...but ended up kicking Enya.
"Ouch..." Enya said, trailing off.
Richard looked up at her, extremely terrified."Oh.. Did I kick you?"
"Yes, but it's perfectly alright." Enya said, trying to make him a bit more comfortable."I kick myself at night sometimes. "
"I'm SO sorry," Richard said "Whenever I eat bacon, my leg muscles spasm and kick people around me. It's not anything bad. I'm sorry Enya."
"It's alright!" Enya chuckled.
"So, Enya... How's your family?" Ricky asked. "It's great! My brother Bartley just got married to some slut from the boonies." Enya said
"Oh!! How was the wedding??!!" Ricky asked, enthusiastic. He loved weddings.
"It was beautiful. I had a lot of fun" Enya said, as she sipped her orange juice.
"I sure hope on gettin' married someday." Daweesha said. "I'd love to have a family of my own. And when I do get married, you three are definately invited!"
"Aww, thanks!" Enya said
"Thankies, sweetie-buns." Richard said
"Loco!" Ricky said.
"I think of all of you as a family" Richard said.
"Me too" Daweesha said
"I also" Enya said
"count me in!" Ricky said.
There was an awkward silence as Enya, the Puerto Rican, and the two Americans tried to finish their shitfood. Enya cleaned the dishes, and went to talk to the people.
"So...when do you plan on going home?" She asked.
"Soon, I hope." Daweesha said, then looked frightened "Well I mean... I miss my family and all... and I appreciate--"
"It's ok dearie-lass! I Understand, completely. How about you all go upstairs and clean up, get your things together, and I work my magic. Let me go get you a sheep sweater first." Enya said.
The three agreed and went upstairs. Daweesha began to cry while she was alone in her room. It had been a long ride, and she was going to miss everybody. She missed her home more than ever, though. Richard cried like a baby. He loved what had happened. He met new friends, and actually fooled around more than once in a 3 month period. I would say he got laid, but once again, he doesn't have a package. It was paradise.
Ricky danced. It's what he does when he's sad... and happy... and mad... and hyper... well, you get the point. He also met some friends, too.
The three all came out of their rooms at the same time, which was odd. They immediately hugged eachother, for what seemed like an eternity. Enya came upstairs, but stayed silent and let the three continue showing their emotions. She smiled. Ricky, Richard, and Daweesha broke apart, grabbed their things, and followed Enya down the stairs.
"Now, if you want this magic to work right, you have to comply with me." Enya said.
The three nodded in agreement.
"Okay. Close your eyes." Enya told them.
"Wait, wait, wait. Let us say our goodbyes." Ricky said. The three exchanged emails, phone numbers,and addresses. Finally, they were ready.
"Now, you all want to go back to the US... Right?" They all nodded. Enya smiled.
"Close your eyes" She told them. She lead them all to Dublin International Airport, with their eyes still closed of course. Since all three of them are a bit "slow", the loud thunderous sounds of the aircrafts didn't even hint to them what was going on. They all got onto their seperate planes, and before they knew it, they were home. Ricky woke up outside of Miami, wearing a tight looking rainbow dress, kind-of like that British Flag dress that Ginger Spice wore in the Spice Girls. He also had a picket sign that said "Fill my bon bon".
Richard awoke outside his fitness gym with all his thinning fans and in a pile of his own thinning hair. His fans were still losing weight -- he had no need to worry. He did feel quite empty without his mate Ricky though.
Daweesha woke up outside Bradley International Airport and was transported to her home in Waterbury, where she was sadly shot and killed in a drive-by shooting. Boo escaped unharmed.
-By Dayna Gugliotti (15 at the time)
Rating: 6.0 out of 113 votes cast
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