read this at your own risk. randomness insues.also frightfully bad gramatical error.

David’s Insane Story
Of Doom

And Stuff

Chapter 1

One day on the island of ever vengeful happiness monsters (also known as the
MECH ARMADILLO) a young man was complaining. Why he was complaining is not known.
It is not known because he was dead. and most sane people cannot get a logical answer from a maggot infested corpse.

Chapter 2

The young man’s name was Spluent carmacarundergunderson. But to make life that little bit easier, we will call Spluent either “Boppledinger”, “Lotion man” or “Stiny”. Lets make it boppledinger. No? Fine, Stiny. Happy?! You’d better be

Chapter 3

“Stiny! Get me a danish!” said st.paul, as stiny stood outside the gates of heaven. The supposedly pearly white gates of heaven were not extremely interesting or particularly nice to look at, been olive green with ugly brown blotches all over it.
Oops.
This was when stiny had a particularly interesting train of thought. It went a little something like this: “Hmm… when Jesus was down there, he must have told them(the jews) that the gates were white. Hmm… Jesus must have told them that heaven wasn’t a complete and utter dump. Hmm… hell is good this time of year. Hmm… jesus must have wanted to boost tourism. Hmm… where am I supposed to get a danish in the middle of a cloud?”
“Are you listening?”
“no” said Stiny’s brain.
“yes” said Stiny’s mouth.

The danishes in question were in fact on st.pauls desk, a mere 1 ft. away from his left hand.
“why don’t you get them yourself?”
st.paul blanched. ”because you fool! Its triggered to 6 kg of pure semtex! If I move any muscles, we all go up!”

Stiny started being obnoxious. It was his hobby.”1. there is only two of us. 2.we’re immortal! And as far as I know, we cant feel pain!”
“Oh!” st.paul exclaimed leaning to punch stiny in the arm(just to test the theory of course).
Stiny went to the shiny briefcase supposedly full of explosive, and deactivated it.

St.paul shook Stiny’s hand and grabbed a danish. However, they both exploded as soon as st.paul touched the box.

The resulting explosion<1> could have scared a large, particularly battle hardened<2> rock monster from the 18th dimension into a coma.<3>

However, there weren’t any large, particularly battle hardened rock monsters from the 18th dimension handy at the time, so therefore the insurance company<4> CEO could get back into his seat, out of his coma and out of his frame of mind, in which he was looking at a large pile of money, saw a large explosion, and got sued by a large, particularly battle hardened rock monster.

1it was a big explosion.
*battle hardened because of the raging war between rock monsters and Duracell batteries.
2 this has only ever, in the whole history of the universe, happened once. The large particularly battle hardened rock monster from the 18th dimension in question was put into the state by accident when it saw a large pink bunny rabbit* ( an innocent boy, by the name of George, in his Halloween costume) hopping towards it.
3 as every one knows , all rock monsters have irrational phobias of pink bunny rabbits, because in the 18th dimension, large pink bunny rabbits are the top of the food chain, after Duracell batteries . rock monsters being 15th, they are direct prey for large pink bunny rabbits.
4 “insurance ‘r’ us”

INTERLUDE!

YEP!
STILL INTERLUDING!

AND IT ENDS……. NOW!!!

Chapter 4
As soon as Stiny got up, that is, during the interlude, making this all in the past, he examined the briefcase.
I will now give you some useless information that you will probably forget, in the hopes of the time quantum thingie continuum box sending us forward in time about 7.36 seconds to have us just in the right spot in time.

Oh, wait, it already did.
Too bad.

Whilst examining said briefcase, he noticed a sheet of metal that had flown off and nearly decapitated a large Albanian wrestling frog, on its way to work. The sheet had letters burnt into it from the explosion, which was good because it was probably the initials of the bad, evil, villain type person in this story.

The initials said ”sir .H.A.D.M. 3rd” which made him English, seeing as only the English and the Indian have incredibly long names. And it ruled out an Indian, because the Indians don’t have knighthood in their government constituency. So the two of them set off for the English capital in heaven, called :
” New Little Yorksfordhamshire”

Chapter 5
TO BE CONTINUED!!! maybe!!!

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