Life's Black Box
CharactersBooboisy -Emotion personified.
Quix -Reason personified.
Setting
An empty room with an odd oversized clock on the wall. The walls, floor, and ceiling are black. Both characters are dressed in bright clothing. Both characters stand and talk without any noticeable movement or emotion. The clock starts at midnight and functions at a normal speed.
Booboisy: Hello! How are you today?
Quix: I am having a superb day. (Booboisy stops paying attention) I have realized that anything I do in my life will eventually be forgotten. I could cook hamburgers for forty years and I will be forgotten in a year. I could sue a company for a trillion dollars and be forgotten in a decade. I could build a monument and be forgotten in a century. I could I could cure humanity of all disease and I will be forgotten in a millennium. I could, but I wouldn’t. Why? Because it would be a waste of my time, and my time is much more valuable than my legacy. How are you?
Booboisy: Fine. (Long moment of silence. The clock speeds up noticeably.)
Quix: I fear you will begin to gabble in order to assuage this uneasy silence.
Booboisy: Have you read the news today? A Virginia man ate an entire piece of bacon.
Quix: (sadly) My fears confirmed.
Booboisy: It is supposed to rain cats and dogs Tuesday through Wednesday.
Quix: Then I suggest you invest in cat food.
Booboisy: (not paying any attention to Quix) But who knows? The weatherman is as accurate as a drunk paraplegic kicking a field goal. There is a sale on dog sweaters at the drug store. Buy 5 get 1 free.
Quix: Better get them before it rains.
Booboisy: I will, and while I’m there I think I’ll pick up some disposable handkerchiefs, some Straight From The Tap™ Bottled Water, a few fake memorable coins, some overpriced shirts with plenty of advertising on them, and a donkey.
Quix: What do you need the donkey for?
Booboisy: To store all the bottled water I’m getting. I don’t have enough space to store all of the extra plastic.
Quix: You certainly have a lot of money to spend, if you’re buying all of that.
Booboisy: Actually, I don’t have a job or any wealthy relatives. I’m living on welfare, so I only buy the necessities. I can’t afford luxuries like bed sheets or socks.
Quix: Where do you live?
Booboisy: Oh I live in a three story house that I won in a stamp licking contest. My house is filled with furniture confiscated from criminals. It’s a bonus you get when you sign up for welfare. Enough about me. What about you? How do you live?
Quix: I live in a small modestly furnished apartment. Up until yesterday, I had a well paying job at Straight From The Tap™ Bottled Water Inc. Yesterday, I quit because I realized I didn’t want to live life doing something that I didn’t enjoy. After listening to you though, it looks as if my quality of life is going to improve, if I sign up for welfare.
Booboisy: Welfare is the best thing that ever happened to me. I have not needed or wanted a job since. (Clock speed returns to normal)
Quix: Have you ever seen the error in your ways? (Booboisy suddenly loses interest in what Quix has to say) Do you ever feel guilty for living so well off the work of others? (Pause) No! How can you when so many others live as you do and even more support the way you live. (Sadly) It seems my argument with you is futile. (Clock speeds up again)
Booboisy: Let’s go bobsledding!
Quix: Let’s…
Booboisy: (interrupting Quix) Brush our teeth with gingivitis!
Quix: Why would we want to…
Booboisy: (interrupting Quix) Let’s go fly fishing!
Quix: Who fishes for flies…
Booboisy: (interrupting Quix) Let’s burn some cash!
Quix: That’s not legal. The government…
Booboisy: (interrupting Quix) Let’s drown some Lemmings!
Quix: That’s unethical…
Booboisy: (interrupting Quix) Who’s afraid of the big bad wolf?
Quix: I don’t…
Booboisy: (interrupting Quix) Let’s drown some more Lemmings!
Quix: That’s enough! (the clock slows to a normal pace)
Booboisy: tick tock tick tock tick tock.
Quix: No longer will you waste my time.
Booboisy: tick tock tick tock tick tock.
Quix: oh how I wish I could make the clock go kcot kcit kcot kcit kcot kcit.
Booboisy: but the clock goes tick tock and never stops.
Quix: Doesn’t that upset you?
Booboisy: What?
Quix: (In a strong voice that does not warrant an exclamation mark) The clock that never stops.
Booboisy: Why would that bother me?
Quix: Because it never stops, but eventually you will!
Booboisy: I can stop a clock. All I need is a hammer or a rock.
Quix: You can’t stop the clock.
Booboisy: But who would want the clock to be stopped?
Quix: I would. Why not?
Booboisy: Why?
Quix: So my time would never end.
Booboisy: I never thought of that.
Quix: What have you thought about? (The clock speeds up)
Booboisy: Bananas in Pajamas, French Fried Frog Legs, and (The clock slows down) überPeople.
Quix: ÜberPeople? Who are they?
Booboisy: ÜberPeople are the gods, and I think about them, because that’s who I’ll be with when I die.
Quix: Ohhh, that would explain your indifference toward the clock. Tell me something. What makes you think these überPeople exist?
Booboisy: Because they are written about in books, and people would not write about people who didn’t exist.
Quix: (Almost laughing) Do you truly believe that? Surely there is some other proof.
Booboisy: Umm....
Quix: Perhaps you should reconsider what you spend time thinking about. (Booboisy stops listening) Think not what you can do to make your next life better, but think what you can do to make your current life the best it can be.
Booboisy: (The clock speeds up and Booboisy starts singing) Jesus loves me yes I know, for the bible tells me so (The clock slows down)
Quix: Churchaholics drink too much of nothing!
Booboisy: I drink only bottled tap water!
Quix: You waste your life, yet you are happy.
Booboisy: Ignorance is bliss!
Quix: You haven’t worked an hour in your life yet you live better than most.
Booboisy: Hail Communism!
Quix: You live for the next life, which might not even exist.
Booboisy: The Bible Tells Me SO!
Quix: There is no getting through to you!
Booboisy: Ignorance is like a never ending piece of pie. The more you have the happier you are and the hungrier you become.
Quix: True, but what happens when your farce comes to an end?
Booboisy: Nothing!
Quix: A summary of your life.
Booboisy: And also the key to happiness!
Quix: I suppose it doesn’t matter anyway. We will all die and be forgotten. (He suddenly falls through a trap door in the ground)
Booboisy: I will not! (He falls through a different trap door in the ground. The black room fades to black.)
Rating: 7.0 out of 6 votes cast
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