Thoughts of a 22-Year-Old Virgin

I’m about to graduate from college, and it is kind of a weird feeling to be a virgin, with images of sex having been shown to me every single day of my life since the day I was born. Thank you beer commercials. Like everyone else in my generation I grew up in a post ‘sexual revolution’ world. Being children of the 90s we grew up being taught about how dangerous sex is, (Look out, AIDS!) and well, I guess in some ways it worked on me.

Now, when I say sex I don’t just mean coitus, or vaginal penetration, I mean everything, oral, anal, hand, anything that involves the genitalia, yours or someone else’s. I always laughed at the girl in high school who said there were two different types of virginity; virgin virgin and virgin of the mouth. That’s probably why I never got any from them. Don’t get me wrong she was a good friend and I would liked to have gotten to known her ‘better’ or is it, I would liked to have gotten to ‘known’ her better?

Being a guy means that the majority of my thoughts revolve around sex, and I do think about it a lot. I have never been the type of guy to go out and try to get some. I always wanted, and not just my first time but every time, to be with someone I really care for. The idea of one night stands, hooking up at a party, or fuck buddies just never appealed to me. I wasn’t like some of my friends who say they want to jump on every girl that walked past, though being a guy that’s how I should feel. It was because of this I thought I might be gay, so I looked up gay porn. (How did fifteen-year-olds live before Internet porn?) Although I did get a little turned on by it, the woman’s body is just so much sexier than the man’s. If I were ever to have sex with a man, he would have to be in great shape, nothing less of a six pack, but no muscle freaks. But I would much rather have sex with a woman before ever, ever having sex with a man. I get turned on by just about any woman’s body type. There is this whole big hang up, in our society, about being thinner. Many great looking girls with great curves think they are fat! For me being fat is a turn off only when your bellybutton sticks out farther then your tits.

MTV is all about sex. I believe sex is a good thing, but MTV is an evil thing. I hate MTV, that’s right I’m using the word hate. I could go on and on about how much I hate MTV and how it glorifies sluts, male and female.

Now I not saying all this because I’m proud to be a virgin but then again I’m not not proud to be one, I just happen to be, just like I happen to be white, or Catholic, or a guy who has never gone sky diving. The reason I write this is because when people find out that I am a virgin, they are shocked and surprise. They say, “You, Bob, a virgin?!? No way, I don’t believe it, because you’re just so damn sexy. I mean, God damn, if I had your looks I’d be getting some all the time. I mean I’m surprise women aren’t paying you to have sex. And you’re such a great guy, so warm, kind and sweat, but tough and won’t take shit from nobody. And let’s not for get how smart you are. I don’t mean to embarrass you, Bob, but you are quite possibly the most intelligent human being this planet has ever seen or will ever see. Did I mention how big your penis must be?” To which I would reply, “Yes, it’s true, I am a virgin. Oh and it’s, ‘won’t take shit from anyone.’”

In our society we’re telling kids sex is bad and wrong, but great at the same time. It’s makes them more curious about it. It’s just like smoking; every time I see one of those anti-cigarette commercials it makes me want to light-up. The more you tell people they shouldn’t do something the more they want to do it, especially teenagers. Now I don’t want to be one of those people who says the images in the media lead to teen pregnancies, (now I know what you’re thinking, “teen pregnancies? Where the hell did that come from?” Let’s face facts: the purpose of sex is to have babies. It just feels good to insure the fact that we will have sex more often.) All I’m saying is I can see a connection from images on media to teen pregnancy. To the fact that, we see sexy bodies and faces on billboards, TV commercials, magazines, and well, everything else, it makes us horny. Most people will act on the fact that they are horny with someone else or themselves. Teenagers being naive about how to handle their horniness, (being new to the game) might not make the best decisions or may act without thinking, like about using protection. People who say media has no effect on our lives are just wrong. Now, should we blame the media? No. People just need to learn to have stronger will power.

I do believe in safe sex, I believe in it so much that I’ve never done it. But when I do have sex I will always use a condom for three reasons; one the whole STDs crap, two, the whole pregnancy crap, and three because a condom deadens the feeling and prolongs the experience, or so my brother told me one time when he was drunk.

Now I think about sex a lot like a healthy male should. After all, men are biologically programmed to impregnate as many women as they can, whether or not they know it. If a man has sex with ten women, then that’s ten babies, but if a woman has sex with ten men then that’s just one baby. That’s why men want to have sex more than women. I’m sorry women but it’s true, so I don’t want to hear any of your crap. But living in humanity, now-a-days, we must learn not to always follow our basic urges.

I am a virgin in that I have never played with someone’s genitalia and no one else has ever played with mine. I’ve always understood that the first time, either as a couple’s first time or first time ever, is never that best sex, in fact it is kind of bad. Sex bad? Knowing this, I fear that I should sleep around before doing it with someone with whom it would mean something with. I know, especially at this age, that whatever girl I wind up with most likely has already had sex. So yes, sex scares me. Now I’m not saying I want my first to be with someone who has had experience or someone who is also is a virgin, I’m just realistic enough to know that the older I get the fewer virgins my age there are going to be. Now it is true I could have sex with someone a lot younger then me, but… hmmm? I’ve thought of going to see a prostitute, but I would rather pay for sex the traditional way; dinner, a show, and maybe dancing. While we are on the subject, I do believe prostitution should be legal, well more so then pot anyways, because sex is as basic to life as eating sleeping or breathing. One time, in a very unconformable car ride to school with my mother, she told me that when it comes to sex women like the hugging kissing part more while men like the sex part more. So, women do the sex part for men, while men do the hugging kissing part for women. Men biologically need the coitus part of sex. Oh, I’m done with want my mom told about the huggy kissy thing, and the biology part is back to me again. All human need physical contact, while men need physical contact for their trouser snake. This is why prostitution should be legal. Like I said though, I would never see a prostitute, other then maybe to cry on a naked woman while spooning.

I hate the idea of women faking orgasms, because they’re telling us, what we are doing, they are enjoying. Now, how are we going to get any better unless women are honest with us about what they like and dislike. I mean men are going to enjoy it no matter what, but men want women to enjoy it to, or at lest women they love.

Now maybe I’m still a virgin because I come from a very religious Catholic up bringing. I went through thirteen years of private Catholic teaching. Now I’ve always heard that girls who went to Catholic schools turned out to be slutty. Well, they weren’t slutty to me, maybe because I was the guy who was the big brother type, or the therapist. Girls would come to me telling me how awful things were in their lives. And I’ve got to say, even though it does feels good to help people by just letting them cry on your shoulder, it gets old after a while.

The idea of someone sucking my dick always felt weird to me, because I really don’t want a dick in my mouth, so I can’t see why any woman would; it’s kind of gross. The only reason I see why women would want to do it is to please the man. Now with this in mind, I, for some reason, really, really want to go down on girls. It’s something I would really like to be good at. So maybe it’s the same for women? I don’t know. All I know is, if some woman wants to go down on me, my pants would be off faster then I could say, “Thank you, God!”

I believe I would be very good at sex. But hey, who doesn’t think that? Never experiencing sexual intercourse firsthand, my knowledge comes from word of mouth and in the media. The problem with media is it shows sex as a great and bad thing. We see on the news of date rapes, in family shows: girls crying over their first time at what a mistake it was. We also see sex as a wondrous expression of love that we must never be allowed to witness. In sit-coms people have sex as commonly as having lunch and think nothing of it. Sex is either a great passion as in we see in romance films or a dirty pleasure like in porn. We almost never see sex as just fun.

I’ve done thorough research into all forms of pornography, like any healthy adolescent should. Just about any sick thing you can think of, I’ve seen it. (God bless the Internet)

I talk little about me being almost gay. I do believe that America is way too uptight about sex. One of the big issues right now is gay marriage. I don’t see why the government should get involved in marriages at all? Now I’m not saying this to get a bunch of gays to like me. I really just could honestly care less about who marries who. Now when it comes to homosexuality, people argue whether or not it is a choice. I don’t believe it is, just for the basic reason that you can’t chose who you fall in love with, or who you are attracted to, gay or straight. I mean you see women with guys and you wonder why she is with that asshole; she might be wondering the same thing. The fact of the matter is you are sexually attracted to who you are attracted to, nice guy or jerk, man or woman. You really don’t have a say in the matter. I wonder if two lesbians has ever both faked an orgasms at the same time? Oh, and I am not gay, let me say that again, I am not gay.

Women may wonder why men act crazy and or stupid when we get horny. Well think of it like this, sperm is extremely claustrophobic, and when a guy gets aroused it gets crowded as hell down there. Sperm gets really nerves and scared and will take over the wheel. And sperm can’t drive a stick as well as it said it could. Now people have often asked me, “Bob, for someone who has never had sex, how do you know so much about it?” Well, first I yell, “Who said I was a virgin!?!” Then I tell them that I think about it a lot and when I was growing up, like all other boys going through puberty, I searched my house for my dad’s secret porn stash. I looked for anything that resembled a picture of a naked woman; underwear section in the Sears catalog, ads for strip clubs in the newspaper, or that crack on the wall that kind of looks like a vagina. Plus if it’s hidden behind a picture, you get the added extra bonus of trying to talk the wall into taking its picture off. But for me, I found medical encyclopedias, and I tell you, there is nothing like a diagram drawing of a woman giving herself a breast examination to really get you hot!

The main reason why I haven’t had sex yet is because, I don’t want it for the sake of doing it. I always say jokingly I didn’t choose to be a virgin, but all the women in my life chose it for me. But the truth of the matter is I want sex to be with someone I’ve been with for awhile, someone I believe I might be in love with, or someone I could see myself spending the rest of my life with. (Now if that doesn’t get a girl wet I don’t want to be with that girl) But once I find that girl, I’m going to go hog wild. I want to do it night and day, I want to go on for hours and have quickies in a friend’s bathroom at a party. I want to do everything and anything in whatever book you give me. Maybe even invite another woman to join us, or go to some sex parties and do it in front of other people. But most of all I just want someone to hold. So I’m going to end with this: As a society we look down on people who have sex too soon, but we also look down on people who have it too late.

Now, how many sentences did I start with the word ‘now?’ Did I mention I think about sex a lot?

If you like robertapierce@hotmail.com

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