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I slowly walked the foreign desert with curiosity, breathing the surreal desert surroundings into my awareness with each step. An age-old pyramid loomed on the horizon, bathing in a magnificent twilight; the sky danced with an indescribable living light. Its colors shone somehow warm and cool at the same; this peaceful conflict emanated a sense of unity to the entire land. Brilliant shades of light and shadow reflected off the infinite sands, blending with vibrant sky.
Across the ancient trails, the immense pyramid beckoned to me. Not with words, but with feelings. Whatever was calling to me, be it some unseen presence, alien being, or the pyramid itself did not use conventional means of communication. The Presence projected emotion and feeling directly into my soul; each step and infinite moment in between brought reassuring waves of unity, understanding, enlightenment and calmness. Suddenly every human emotion I had ever felt was no longer unique to my own personal experience; each pulsating tide brought with it oceans of joy, love, guilt, sympathy, sorrow and purpose. Yet the waves never brought waters of anger or hate, nor scorn or contempt. I was completely in touch with my reality; feeling was neither ignored nor denied. Truth and order continued to shine through me.
And so I was compelled to keep walking toward the Presence, this single point of human understanding. The pyramid grew larger as I approached, and I felt the beckoning waves grow stronger. But even as the pulsating feelings continued to grow, they never once impeded my progress, nor did they attempt to halt my reaching of the river’s source.
At last I reached the foot of the structure, although my sense of time was nearly non-existent. How long I had been walking remained irrelevant; each moment held an eternity of contentment, and so future desires and past regrets possessed no place in this world. The source of the Presence was indeed a pyramid, nearly identical to those created by the Ancient Egyptian civilizations on Earth. However, the blocks or components of the pyramid were quite difficult to describe. I was unable to determine what the pyramid was made of, be it stone or silver or the very fabric of space-time. Each piece, which I will refer to as “blocks” for the sake of understanding, had a distinct, triangular shape. At the pyramid’s peak was an equilateral triangle block. From the bottom angles of the block sprang two more equilaterals, continuing to increase in number and decrease in size exponentially all the way to the pyramid’s base where I stood. In terms of physical reasoning, the blocks should have begun to overlap near the second or third row from the top; but each block remained undisturbed by its neighbor. This was perfectly clear at the time, but now was impossible to visualize, especially near the base of the pyramid where the blocks met sand and became indistinguishable in size or nature.
I took my first step onto the impossibly perfect structure of chaos and order; in that instant, the identity of the Presence was illuminated; glorious, perfect, the answer to every question ever fathomed, the source of all. The awakening light faded in a brief instant, as quickly as it arrived. Each step brought the light exploding peacefully through my inner self. Each moment lasted longer as I climbed toward the structure’s peak.
Then something happened. Something that heightened my sensitivity to the physical world: I heard an ever so faint voice. I knew this was the voice of the Presence. Its communication through words rather than feelings was chilling in this state. The words were unidentifiable, yet I became fixated on my detachment from space and time. Peace and contentment instantly fled my mind, as I grew anxious toward my disconnection from reality. Waves of emotion again began to flow through me like water, but instead of a gentle stream or an ocean’s receding tide, they felt like typhoon waves. Breezy desert air morphed into a suffocating current of anxiety. Chaos broke loose as the vast desert dropped into infinity and a stormy ocean filled my surroundings; all the while, this voice grew louder and clearer. It was calm in nature, soothing and feminine in tone; yet, it pummeled deep emotions of fear, dread, hopelessness, insecurity and futility into my mind: restless black waves of negativity crashing against the walls of my consciousness. The voice was getting louder and more distinguishable. Then I heard my name amidst the sea of words.
“Mr. Thornhill,” the waves echoed, pulsating inward and outward, and I began to fall through the eternal, black ocean. Downward I sank; the starless black sky faded from view as the sea of negativity engulfed me. I was losing clarity; the waves encapsulated me, crushed me, and I felt the sudden urge to breathe. The black sea fell inward toward me, into my body. The world shrank and rushed toward my singular point on this plane of infinity.
Nothing but blackness; I was slipping away, consumed by doubt and desire. Back down to the land of suffering, jealousy, selfishness… suffocating, pressure, trapped…
“Mr. Thornhill.” I became aware of my eyelids as they sprang open; or, perhaps they were already open. I couldn’t muster the desire to figure it out
A woman dressed in white stood over me. “How are you feeling today?” she inquired. My eyes shot around the room as I registered my surroundings. White everywhere: white walls, white ceiling, white floor, and a white ray of sunlight breeching the high, barred white window.
“Well, first I was content and brimming with pure quality. Then you brought me back to this sad wasteland and it slipped away.” Now, I felt nothing. Not a goddamned thing. Just white emptiness.
The woman looked shocked that I had spoken at all, and I’m not really sure why I bothered to answer her. “Do you think you can feed yourself today?” she inquired, not because she genuinely cared, but because that would be one less task on her list of duties.
I stared back at her. The question struck me as empty and insipid. What’s the point of living if you can’t feel alive? I just want to feel again. Anything. After piercing me with her motionless gaze for a while, she sighed and touched some cold object to my arm, which also pierced me.
Insanity. I achieved enlightenment, moved outside the mythos, touched the source of all; the price was my ability to function in society. There’s no going back once you cross that valley. I made a choice knowing full well what it might cost, tired of living in a meaningless metropolitan world almost completely devoid of quality; and I suppose I can’t blame these hopelessly lost drones for failing to understand my view of the world. After all, I am insane, possessing a state of mind that society has deemed unhealthy. To understand my line of thought is to follow it into the taboo plane of insanity. How can everyone else carry on? Do they not feel the emptiness closing in around them on lonely starless nights? They continually lie to themselves. Unconsciously, absolutely convinced that their world is real, they are oblivious that true quality exists at all. Living rational, reasonable lives they chase meaning in the forms of money and fame. I chased the truth, the perfect simplicity that ancient civilizations understood and lived with so well. I found pure quality, buried beneath heaps of superficiality and steel-structured wastelands, where people lie packed together like sardines, yet remain hopelessly disconnected from each other. And this world has become so detached from quality over the centuries that the thought process of an individual like myself, completely awake for the first time, is perceived as insane. I chose truth. And I have no regrets.


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