Never Take Your Hoodie Off At The Beach By Mike Bassham

Imagine this, your on a beach... a beautiful beach, with calm water, and white sand. Sand so beautiful, you'd bottle it and give it away as presents, if you we're into that sort of shit.

Your laying there, letting your hair down a bit, removing your hoodie, so that all you've got on now are three t-shirts. But its a hot day, so you figure, "why not".

And all the sudden, your attacked by a tiger. A tiger. One of the largest and most beautiful tigers you've ever seen. The black stripes so full and thick against the orange fur.. but its all ablur to you as its beauty is moving so fast, ripping chunks from your most vital areas. Everything slows down... the sun hits the tiger's eye in just a way, that you can see into its soul. And its beautiful, its full of tiny leprachauns... they come just close enough to hold your hand and guide you into the tiger's heart. The thrashing is now muted by Lenon and McCartney's "Yesterday", that seems to be coming from nowhere in particular... like a movie.

Then you feel that queezy euphoria in your stomach and your body ascends toward the sky... as if you were being tossed skyward by God himself, and his velvet fingertips. The feeling is great... but you realize in all its beauty that the tiger has just thrown you across the beach and onto a rock. Your body becomes light, and the burning of the sand, all over your lacerated body becomes unbearable. You cry for help... until you ultimately pass into heaven.

[Camera pans back to people covering their mouthes in horror, as the tiger walks away from the mutilated carcas, and the blood covered beach]

Guy#1: Wow, that was unexpected.

Guy#2: Yah.... a tiger on the beach. What are the odds.

[Fade to white]

Currently 7.00/10
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Rating: 7.0 out of 4 votes cast