The Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas
And Dad didn't know
That Mom knew about his
Second wife, a ho.

She crept up behind him,
Shot him in the back,
Cut off his limbs,
And stuffed them in a sack.

She went outside
And dug a hole.
Put the sack in and
No one she told.

But little did she know
That around the block nearby,
Was a NIPSCO building
Polluting the sky.

After awhile, the body contracted
Solanum and became a zombie.
But the worst part was,
He was wearing Abercrombie!

He went to a house
And threw a rock on the roof.
The family inside thought
It was a reindeer hoof.

They gathered around the chimney
And waited awhile,
But they soon realized
It could be a pedophile.

So they locked the windows
And all the doors.
But then they heard a moan:
"I want more (brains)."

They turned around
and saw a zombie.
They exclaimed,
"Le gasp! He's wearing Abercrombie!"

He bit their necks and
swallowed their hearts.
He went into the kitchen
To have some Pop-Tarts.

The family became zombies,
Making the number six.
They went around town,
Adding more to the mix.

They stumbled upon
The wife's bitter house.
They knocked on the door
And ate the little mouse.

She answered the door
And screamed as loud as she could.
She became one of them,
And that was the end of that neighborhood.

All of New York City
Turned into zombies.
No need to fear,
They're still wearing Abercrombie.

The SWAT Team arrived
And blew up city.
For all of the people who weren't zombies,
They felt no pity.

As the flames grew high
They had one thing to say:
"Merry Christmas to all,
And don't eat Spam!"

Currently 8.69/10
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Rating: 8.7 out of 36 votes cast