How to deal with a teenager.

The answer depends on who are you.

You could be mother, father, elder brother/sister, or younger one.

You could be mother’s mother or father’s.

Or you could be a grandfather.

Of course, you could be a teacher or a school psychologist.

Or just a neighbour.

You could even be another parent to child.

Therefore, the answer really depends on who are you.

Let us check some of possibilities.

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1) You are mother.

The simplest thing to deal with teenager is to ask your husband to deal with the child/monster/their hideousness.

It seems that your husband has grown worse eyesight and hearing during teen years of your marvelous baby.

He doesn’t here or see anything bad in that behavior of monstrous teenage creature who dwells behind that closed door with “No Entry! Mother, for you TOO!” on it.

You just don’t understand your husband: how can he do nothing when the child says him “go drop dead”?

He explains you that the meaning of this sentence is just “please, don’t make me to do it YOUR way”.

But what men understand in children?

He will give the child to win in argument, though it is wrong.

What example does it give to babies to see that father agrees with them always?

You know that this is wrong, and try to win the argument.

And of course get the substitute for “please, don’t make me to do it YOUR way”.

And it makes you furious and you send the monster very far.

Then you play in the game: who will send another further” for a while until one or both would happen: you begin to cry or the door slams after the monster enters the forbidden for you place.

So, now you go to your husband and bring him a belt.

You are very surprised when he does not want to use it on the child.

It is not a child! It is ogre! How you both could give birth to such.. such… (you try to stop crying in order to find an appropriate worst word). Then you understand that you could not give the birth to such badness. It is your husband’s guilt. It is his genes.

Therefore, you are angry on both of them: the child (whom you excuse the moment you hear the hungry demands) and your husband, who is dumb enough not to understand that you are angry with him.

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2) You are father.

You do not need an explanation how to deal with teenager, because:

a) You are all the time working, so somebody else has to deal with the child.

They even remind you whenever the child has birthdays and some other important dates.

b) You are not working all the time, but after work, you are too tired to do something other than golf/pub/TV.

c) You do not deal with the child. You do not need to. There are no problems between you. Why? Because every time you see the problem on the horizon, you chose another way. You know too well, that there is no way to win against teenager. So you just avoid any confrontation. And this way the teenager is ready to hear what you have to say. Sometimes they even do as you advice them. Especially, if you worded it in such a way as if they proposed the change themselves.

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3) You are grandfather.

You solve your relations with the teenager by presents and jokes.

Especially dirty jokes. Those made you popular with them from the start.

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4) You are mother’s mother.

You do not need an explanation how to deal with teenager, because:

a) You know it already - look what a fantastic mother you made from that ugly, big mouth teenager you had on your hands.

b) You do not have time for that. Is it not enough to bring up you children? It’s child’s father who should deal with the child.

c) You told your daughter fourteen years ago, that she would not marry to this “nothingness”. Now she gets the results of the seed.

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5) You are father’s mother.

You do not need an explanation how to deal with teenager, because you are angry on your daughter in law.

She could just come to you and ask how you succeeded to bring up such a marvelous fellow.

Instead of this, she does nothing at all, as usual.

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6) You are a teacher.

You do not need an explanation how to deal with teenagers.

You know it too well but they do not permit you to use your knowledge.

Twice were you cautioned not to use physical force above needed for self-defence.

Three times they said you that verbal abuse is still called abuse.

So now, you just call for parents.

And after that time with angry mother who slapped you because you asked her to learn how to bring up dragons, you call only for fathers.

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7) You are a school psychologist.

You learned once how to deal with children.

But things change.

Today you cannot use your 1248-paged little handbook in “Introduction to Child’s Psychology” on their head.

Instead, you should only ask them why they broke teacher’s chair and where did they hide principal’s hat.

And even you don’t suffer the smoke, you can do nothing to take their cigarettes from them.

It is too dangerous.

May be it is by rule, but then your car is too dear for you without its paint being nail-scratched to write everything the child thinks about you.

So you just listen to those infantile answers and in your head count days to your pension.

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8.) You are a neighbour.

The best advice for you - change your home immediately.

Just remember, each unnecessary year near the teenager in the neighbourhood shortens you life by two years.

So, take our advice and run away quickly, or alternatively, prepare your own teenager, so that you will have a headache from him and will not notice any other.

This way you also can make your neighbours life insufferable.

So use the weapon sparingly.

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9) You are a parent yourself.

You do not need any “how to” books.

You know by yourself.

You KNOW that the way they bring their child up is BAD.

-Why do you give the child make the tone in your family?

-Are you not afraid that this child will end in prison?

-Who are those imbecile parents that permit the child to behave like this? Ah, you? Oh, what a nice child..

-There should be a law against parenting for those who cannot do it.

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10) You are a “how to” writer.

Oh, it’s me. You cannot then. I was here first.

So, what can I say to you?

I believe that our scientist should work on growing children without teenage period.

They succeed to make watermelon without seeds. And even without water.

Therefore, it would not be a problem for them to prepare children without teenaging.

And while they work on it, I think that the government should prepare place for reservations for those who are in this wonderful group of teenage.

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Rating: 5.5 out of 12 votes cast