A Modest Proposal to Produce Ubiquitous Equality, Magnanimity, and Compassion

Written by Anand Selvam

A Modest Proposal to Produce Ubiquitous Equality, Magnanimity, and Compassion Throughout our Blessed Lands, which will further Allow for an Equilibrium of Opportunity for all Individuals Regardless of Ethnic, Academic, or Socioeconomic Background.

It is a crestfallen state, such that one must travel through the streets and towns of this illustrious planet and view with despondency the lives of dissimilar and unmatched citizens. Derived from a single Maker, every wasteful and degenerate creature deserves the unequivocal right to equality. Instead of being able to work to their lowly ability, certain inherent deficiencies leave these poor, crude souls unable to survive. Unfortunately for the more aspiring individuals of society, they must live among chaos of both the physical and the spiritual sense. Most do, however, care deeply for their misbegotten brethren, and wish to see a leveling of the playing field so to speak.
I think it is agreed upon by all parties involved that a prodigious number of individuals fall far below the ideals held by the “forefathers” of our planet. The present, deplorable state of our great nation has produced an enormous burden for the common good of our society, and any solution whereby the masses may unite should win the creator at least the title of Chief Executive Officer of a Fortune Five-hundred Company.
But my intention is exceedingly far from being restrained to only provide care for the misbegotten; it is to a greater extent my hope that all humanity, as a single unit, may traverse any obstacles in the future, while at the same time reaching the superior standard of society, a pinnacle of immense proportions.
As to my own function, having dwelled upon the questions of this important subject for so many years, and weighed unequivocally, numerous plans of action proposed by others, I have almost always found these men utterly mistaken in their suppositions. It is true, however, that genetically speaking, intelligence is a trait marked by ambiguous results. Though supported when in the systems of childhood, individuals of a phlegmatic nature will inevitably fall to the discord within the real world. The economic difference these genes would suffer results in exactly $364,000, or two-hundred and eighty seven thousand pounds eight pence and three-quarters per capita income over any reproductive cycle. Similarly, in Lira, the currency of the Turkish peoples, the deficiency would equate to just over thirty seven billion, two hundred and forty two million, seventy two thousand units. So it can be estimated, that the alienated genes would further suffer greater disgrace depending upon the location of their “expression” so to speak. Therefore, it must be taken into account the derivation of the breeders itself who allow these genetic fragments to come into existence. A genetic couple with an average Intelligence Quotient of 127, for example, would possess an allelic frequency for the homozygous condition of the imperfect genes of 0.39. In a contrasting manner, if the average IQ is reduced by only thirty points to perhaps ninety seven, the resulting allelic frequency plummets an astounding thirty seven percent in efficiency. Henceforth, the decline in intellectual levels would act precipitously, thereby creating a riotous class of underprivileged chromosomal factors.
And in surveying these inequitable qualities of society, it must also be noted that the pigments ingrained in the skin, both literally and figuratively speaking, grant slight advantages to certain shaded persons in certain situations. These factors, also initiated by genes, must be taken into account for any appropriate actions to succeed. It is a pity that such savagery must lie inherent in our nature, yet it is also a tribute to our doting nature that our nation is so well renowned for acquiring the quickest proficiency in any art whatsoever.
I shall now consequently propose my own humble thoughts, which I hope will not be subjected to the least objection or defamation.
I have been assured by every world-renowned medical professional, of which there are many, that my propositions are valid; primarily that the frontal lobotomy of those genes with above average intelligence quotients would equally serve the societal impulse for both equality and the preservation of the human way of life.
I do therefore humbly offer it to public consideration, that the approximate 2.7 billion genes, which fall above the average intelligence quotient level, minus those several hundred thousand whose genes code for an oppositely negligent pigmentation, have a previously derived percentage of their medulla oblongatal tissues removed. Since, in general, female genes resist reduction of the intelligence quotient, it should be noted that a correspondingly smaller portion would be removed from these developmental structures.
These adjustments to the mental acuity of our society in general, will prove to develop the logical path for growth and equality within our lands. Such has been the goal for centuries, or perhaps even millennia, since the very initiation of genetic recombination within the archaebacterial kingdom. The playing field of opportunity will clearly level itself upon the implementation of such a plan, engendering the human race with peace and prosperity, enjoyed by such a wide range of genes, as to break every record in the musty pages of history. I will daresay that no gentleman or woman would repine to concede a portion of their tissues for the good of society. The excess gray matter would serve as excellent feed material for the animals that lack nutrition. In a roundabout manner, this too will assist human development by eradicating the prion diseases of encephalopathies dependent on the bovine consumption of fellow species members. Alas! I have too long digressed, and therefore I shall return to the subject at hand. Experience has shown that the prevailing opportunities for those of similar intellect will undoubtedly provide an equal chance for all. Every man woman or child would possess the same, exact dreams, desires, and liberties. With such a matter of course, our world would incite a unifying desire to communicate as a single entity. When we develop as a single planet, a single race, rather than individual genes manufacturing individual goals, we may attain a place within the universe as no other terrestrial beings could wish to imitate.
It is not improbable that several scrupulous individuals may be inclined to censure such a practice (although indeed very unjustly) as bordering upon cruelty, yet upon my endeavor for equality, I have thought every thought through to the last degree. For example, a few oblivious opponents ask the question, “Won’t those genes who don’t have the operation know they are deficient?” To these queries I remark coolly and collectedly with several rebuttals. First off, one must remember the initial status of the deficient. They are the lowest of the low, the scum of the earth, the trash-pickers, the nobodies, and the degenerates. They fall so far below the standard state of intelligence, that they in fact, would never even realize their feeble-mindedness. However, any means of overcoming such a state remains the primary objective in creating a uniform society. Regardless, I have thought out an answer to this problem if need be. I propose that every single human gene undergo an operation of some kind, whether they need one or not. This would actually create a placebo affect and retain an even greater form of equality. If every gene disregarded the past, cased by a certain forced amnesia technique, then every individual could only gaze to the future for inspiration. A half a brain of enormous power would equal a whole brain of mediocre muscle. What could be more fair, unbiased, or equal than such a scenario?
Another cynic may reply that we all possess variant physical features, whether they are muscular or facial in nature. He might argue that we are not truly equal until the gene pool is further restricted. And to this I would say, “Bravo!” You are brilliant, but I had these ideas even before you, yourself were conceived. I have constructed the world as we will know it, far into the future, and far ahead of its time. If he really wanted to know what I had in store for the future forecast, I would surely relate my humble proposals to him as well as I could. One facet at a time, year after year, our race will implement the necessary changes for the benefit of humankind. After granting equal brain capacity in terms of genes, of course, beauty would be the next point of interest. People with unfairly beautiful faces would be required to wear “ugly” masks, thus dispersing the probability of reproductive success equally. Next, the pigmentation differentiation would have to be eliminated to allow for equal socioeconomic development. Skin grafts would be utilized to create a uniform pigment color for our human race, which would then be inserted into the genes to assist in transferring them to future generations. Equally well marked with a beige-like color, during future space odysseys, our planetary explorers would represent our great nation with a uniform color, as opposed to the varying greens and purples of other extraterrestrials. Most importantly, or rather second in importance to intelligence of course, the physical nature of mankind must gain universality as well. To accomplish this, I humbly suggest the usage of weight transfer. By this, I mean that strength should be applied as a function of ballast counterbalance. For example, the greater strength one possesses, the larger and more numerous the weights he must carry upon his body. In essence, every single gene would be “expressed” equally, regardless of its pre-programmed will.
Once again, it must be asserted the negligence currently assessed towards the poor. The destitute of mental, physical, or spiritual status deserve the equal opportunity to excel. My modest proposals have asserted the cause of unity and propagation. Many other advantages might be enumerated, but these and others I will now omit, for I am a student of brevity. I can think of no other single objection that could possibly be raised in opposition to these designs. Yet, I am not so obstinate as to violently detest any opinions of wise and scholarly men, where a similar end will result.
I sincerely profess, with equity and without moral turpitude, that I have not the least personal interest in advancing this cause. I, myself, am an individual whose genes are of average stature in every manner: Intelligence Quotient of 100, tan colored skin, neutral features, and medium build. Undoubtedly, I am only seeking the mutual benefit of all individuals within our remarkable society.

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