The Guide to Panic

A Humorous Story by Patrick Simmons

“Gentlemen, we are doomed” said Dr. Doweoaremed in his usual loud annoyed voice.
“Oh, shut the ek’ up” replied Mr. Noarentwe, ‘we’re just in trouble.” They were in the outer reaches of Nukeville, in the Nukeville Power Plant. It was an atomic power plant, and it was about to experience a meltdown.
“5 minutes until meltdown. Evacuate 30 minutes age or you will die, have a nice day” Said the happy female voice over the intercom. The workers did the logical thing to do after hearing the message. They began to run and scream like little children that were being chased around by a bulldozer with flamethrowers. Back in the office Drs. Doweoaremed and Noarentwe were pulling out the Complete Guide to Panic.
“Chapter 1: Have lots of intoxicating drinks at hand” read Dr. Doweoaremed.
“Skip it” snapped Dr. Noarntwe, “we have no drinks for miles!
“2 minutes 50 seconds until you die from radiation poisoning,” said the pleasant female voice “have a nice day!”
“Chapter 2: How to have your life flash before your eyes” continued Dr. Doweoaremed.
“Skip it fool, we need to save are buts” yelled Dr. Noarentwe. This process went on until they reached Chapter 99: How to save yourself in a time of panic. At this point the voice announced that they only had 10 seconds left (and that they should have a nice day). “READ IT” yelled Dr. Noarentwe.
“The surefire way to save yourself in any situation is to…” read Dr. Doweoaremed. Then the reactor melted.
THE END (Have a nice day!)

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