Phil The Robot

Chapter 1                                                              
The box that became a robot

Once upon a time, in a Magic-Filled Rainbow Crayon Box, there was a little school on the ridges of a high cliff. Box elementary was the name of the school. In this school there was a little boy box, a little boy box named Phil. Phil was being picked on by other boxes. Now, in the beginning Phil was taking it pretty well, and not ripping the kid’s that were teasing him heads off at all until one day. No that day was not Monday, Tuesday, HAPPY DAYS. It was Wednesday. Phil got mad at another boy because that other boy had called Phil “Square”. Phil got mad, but did not rip that boy’s head off just yet. When Phil got angry he just did not sit there, and let the little shark toed fool play his games. He stood up, and wanted this other box...well let us just say, “Gone”. Phil did not go to school for next few days, and everyone wondered where he was. Well, Phil was at his house, in the basement. Doing something in the basement that had to do with a lot of noise, and would not come up even when his mom wanted him to. His mom had made her Yummy-Yummy in Your Tummy Pancakes, and was telling Phil that he should come up to get some. Phil did not come up. He was too busy with what ever he was doing. After a while, the noise died down. Phil started to come up the noisy stairs of the basement. The door opened. He walked out and had arms, legs, a body, and a head. He was a robot! His mother screamed, but Phil was proud of what he had done no matter what people say. His mother started to cry, “O sweetie pie! You are a robot! How could this be? After all the Christmas cards, we have sent together. You went and became a robot?” She ran out of the room. Holding her ends so they would get wet from all the tears. When Phil walked over to his pancakes, he saw that they had a smiley face made out of butter on them. Phil picked up the first pancake to see if the next pancake said have a nice day made out of lettuce on it. Phil thought it was somewhat odd for lettuce to be on pancakes, but he ate it any way, “These are really good pancakes mom.” Phil talked with his mouth full. His mom did not like that, she had always told him he could choke. He still talk with his mouth full.
     The next day, Phil went to school. All the kids went, “Gasp”. Bob, Phil’s teacher, thought that Phil had made the robot suit for Halloween, “What? Phil I thought you were going to be James Bond for Halloween.” Phil, who came in with his head up high, was shaking his head very wildly, “No, no silly pants. This is not a costume. I am really a robot. I cannot take this stuff off and if I did. It would really hurt. I made this out of cheese, newspaper, phone books, and put it all together with cold glue. My mom yelled, and started to throw pancakes with lettuce faces at me. That’s why I’m a mess right now.” Bob got up and said, “O... so are you still going to be James Bond for Halloween?” Phil started to chuckle, “Why not Silly Pants? I already have all the stuff, and I am sure I can try to get into the hat. It was really cheap at the Dollar Store, too.” Bob looked around the room for an empty desk that Phil could sit in, “That’s good. Well go sit down I need to get to teaching.” Phil got his pencil out of his backpack and sat down in the back of the room. The teacher started talking about an Angus steak burger he had gotten a few days ago at Burger King. Phil started to fall asleep. He didn’t mean to, but he did. He was dreaming about playing tennis with Angus steak burgers. He was losing 40 to 15. Then Bob woke him up with a loud roar, the same kind that a Mango would have. Bob asked Phil what he was doing, and Phil said, “Playing Tennis with some burgers, Sir?” The whole class started to laugh. Some were throwing moldy cheese. Phil opened his journal, and wrote:
         Dear Journal,
It is 10/01/92, and I am getting use to people throwing cheese with mold on it at me. I also made my mom scream, throw pancakes, and run. All because she hates robots, and did not really feel like having one as a son. Did I ever tell you that I am not a box any more? Yeah that is right I am a robot. I made a lot of people laugh today, but they do not know that I have smiling stickers with afros. See     . I have noticed that I have been writing in this journal a lot lately. It now feels like my face is full of green and yellow mold from all the cheese that is flying through the air, and landing on my face. MMMMMMM…..I love green and yellow mold. Bob is starting to yell. I better stop writing before he throws hard things at me.
As Phil shut his journal, the last bell of the day rang. All the kids started to pack up their backpacks, and go home. Phil ran as fast as he could to his house, he didn‘t know why either. He checked the mail, none, and went to the door that he was now taller then. He found that the door would not open, and he did not have a key to get in. Phil looked where his mom’s horse would be, and it was there eating grass. Therefore, he knew that she was not out. Then he remembered what had happened the other day. She did not like robots, and she wasn‘t about to have a tea party with them. Just like the Indians and the whites. The Indians want their land, but the whites will not give it with out a fight. Phil looked in the living room window, and he saw his mom sitting on the couch with a homeless man. They were watching TV. Jerry Springer was on. Phil looked at the window above. The window was up, and Phil could not see any one in the room. He started to make his way up to the window. Like Super man, or cat boy. As he got closer to the window, he could smell air freashers. He got into the room with a thud to the ground, and looked around. The room, covered with air freashers and blankets, had a weird smelly smell to it. A little confused, and unbalanced.  Phil left the room. He went down stairs slowly, and said, “Mom, Now don’t yell, but I have a question to ask you. Ok here goes nothing. Can I live with you for a while? You know UN till I can move out, or live in my car.” His mom looked up at him, “Awhile? Why only awhile, when you can stay here for as long as you would like to? Do you hate my or something. Just Kidding, you know I like to kid around like that. Do you know that I was just kidding? O Hun You can stay as long as you like, and I am sorry that I yelled, and wasted good pancakes. There is one thing you have to do to make me happy, and you have to give me a hug.” Phil thought about it for a bit, and went down the rest of the stairs to give his mom a hug. After Phil’s mom stood up and hugged Phil like a teddy bear, Phil went into the fridge for a drink. A giant sour cream monster reached out, and took the Kool-Aid from Phil, “Good morning! How are...” Phil stopped the monster there, “Who are you? It is not morning. Why did you take the Kool-Aid from me I want a drink?” The monster took a little bit of the Kool-Aid, “I’m Elmer, and to me it is morning. See the light turns off once you shut the door. I have a dry throat and that drink really helped it. I can’t really get a drink in the dark, because I might grab my foot or something you know?” Phil took the Kool-Aid from Elmer, “Hey Elmer. My names Phil” Phil said very softly. Elmer moved farther into the back of the fridge. Phil got a drink and put the Kool-Aid in front of Elmer. Elmer looked through the container, “Thanks for the drink, and talk. It is always good to make new friends.  Good night.” Phil shut the door, and walked into the living room. Phil’s mom liked inviting homeless people into the house, and then throwing them out as if she does not know them. This person took up mostly all the couch, the rest of it was his mom. Phil found a spot by the hobo. They were watching some strange show about sandwiches, and it made Phil think of Elmer. Why do you say that Elmer? The sandwiches had nothing to do with sour cream monsters. Phil can still remember the good times Elmer and he had together. Phil got up and went to his bedroom. He took his journal out of his backpack, and sat down at his desk. Turning on his light, he opened he journal and wrote:
       Hello again,
My mom is letting me live with her now, but I had to give her a hug. She has one of her homeless pals over. I met a nice sour cream monster. His name was Elmer. He really likes Kool-Aid, and his throat gets dry a lot. I never knew sour cream monsters were so nice, or could talk. Well that is all I am going to write for today. I hope that tomorrow is a new day. Goodnight.
Phil turned off his light, and went to his bed. Phil whispered, “good-night” and went to bed.
“Phil! Phil! It is almost 9:00, time for breakfast!” Phil’s mom was yelling so Phil could hear her. He went down the stairs, and saw the homeless man that was over last night sitting at the table. His mom must really like him, because he was clean. He also had new clothes. He was eating a piece of pumpkin pie that Phil‘s mom must of made. Phil sat down, and his mom gave him some cereal. His mom wasn’t to quick to realize that she was now pouring Elmer into Phil’s Caption Crunch, “Stop your pouring Elmer into my Caption Crunch cereal!” Phil’s mom stopped, “whose Elmer? Is that one of your imaginary friends?” Phil knew she did not know Elmer, “Elmer’s a giant, and cool, sour cream monster. I met him last night. He’s really nice, and likes Kool-Aid.” Elmer looked up at Phil with a smile, “Thanks kid. I really didn’t feel like making anybody to be throwing up in this wonderful cereal.” Phil took the container that Elmer was in, and put Elmer back into it. He then put Elmer back into the fridge. Phil got the milk before he shut the door. Phil thought Caption Crunch was good, but after Elmer was in it. It did make Phil feel like he was going to puke. Phil stopped eating, and got ready for school. He had to walk to school because his mom was going out with that homeless man. Phil was sure that they were going to get married. Then Phil would have a step dad. Phil started to school. He met the kid that called him square and him and Phil became friends. They started talking about what they were learning in school. Then Phil stopped, “Hey I had a question.” The kid stopped and looked back at Phil, “Shot me.” Phil walked closer to the kid, “What’s your name?” the kid laugh, “I’m sorry my names John Kerry. I am going to run for president when I get the chance to. If I drop out then I think I‘ll give another try after four years.” Phil was happy he made a new friend, and that he knew a lot about politics. Phil was thinking of finding a city. Not running for president, or doing anything like that. They would not stop talking about what they were going to do when they grow up. They got to school, and the bell rang. Phil was the second person in the class, and got the worst seat of them all. He had to sit by George Bush. George thought he was going to be the president, but Phil‘s friend, John Kerry, was going to be the president. The teacher walked into the room with a smile, “Good morning boys.” The teacher said. The two boys said good morning as more people walked into the room. George Bush was starting to get Phil mad, and Phil told the teacher what he was doing and the teacher started to yell at George. George was always making mistakes. No one liked him. He smelled like rotten eggs, and he picked his nose. After everyone sat down the teacher finished writing on the board, and started talking to his self. When he was done, there was still a little time before launch, so he let the class do what ever they wanted to. Some played Chutes and Ladders, but Phil wrote in his journal.
Dear journal,
It is 10/2/92, and I got a new friend named John Kerry. He was the one that called me square, but now we are best friends. He wants to be president when he gets the chance to run. George Bush came in late again. Are teacher gave us free time before we go to launch. I think I will go play Candy Land with everyone else. Talk to you later.
Phil went over to play Candy Land. There was one more person, and not all the kids were off the starting square. When Phil it was Phil’s turn the launch bell rang. Everyone cleaned up and went to the launch room. Phil got a grilled hamburger with cheese, and chocolate milk. He sat by his new pal John. They traded launches, and talked more about what they were thinking they were going to be when they grow up. John said he was going to try to get the waters clean, and lower taxes if he became president. Phil said he wanted to find a city and call it Phil city, and everyone could go to his city. Launch was over, and they went to their classes. The day went by, and the bell rang. All the kids went home. Phil and John met in the hall by the girls’ bathroom, and Phil called their moms to see if he could go to John’s house. She said yes. They walked to John’s house, and played ps2, UN until Phil had to go home. Phil went home, and did his homework. His mom was making Hibachi chicken (it is some kind of Chinese food). Phil thought it smelled so good. His mom told him to clean his room before he ate, and he did. It took him awhile, but he got it done. He went down stairs, and his mom already had everything out on the table. All they were waiting for was the food. When the food got put into the bully Phil’s mom served out even plates. Phil ate his dinner, and went into the living room To watch TV with the sound turned off. He was watching cartoons. UN until his mom finished eating, and came in. She took the remote from him, and turned on QVC. Phil did not like the fact that they were selling human kids on QVC. He went out to look for some friends to play with. No one was out. Phil went into his house, and went up stairs. He did not go into his room, because he wanted to go into the room with the blankets. He ran down stairs, and asked his mom what that room was for, “Well Phil that room is... while it’s for the dead rabbit toes.” Phil look really confused now, “Go up and look on the roof.” Phil ran up the stairs, and walked into the room. He looked up, and saw little toes. Phil started to laugh. He left the room, and went into his room. He sat down at his desk, and started to draw. He was drawing a dancing aardvark. It had a hat and everything. Phil could hear the homeless man coming up the stairs. The homeless man walked in, “Hey Phil! I know we do not really have to know each other, but that is why I am up here. My name is Louis, and I use to live in a box out on Main St. up UN till now.” Phil dropped his pencil; he had so many questions, “Hello Louis I know you know who I am. I live here. Where do you live, in a paper bag? I never met a homeless man named Louis. If you live in a box how much is the rent?” Louis chuckled, “Well the rent is 5 cents a month, and if you’re buying. It is usually 35 cents if you are renting. You have to break out the hat sometimes (if you know what I mean).” Louis turned around and went down stairs. Phil was almost done with his drawing, and really liked Louis since they have to know each other a little better. Phil still wanted to know a lot about Louis, but he might just wait. Phil had never thought that his mom would keep a homeless for that long. Phil thought they were going out. For a few minutes, Louis was the only thing that Phil could think about Louis what a cool name. Louis what about him, did he have braces, a car, money? Louis what did he look as before he became homeless...Louis what was his school like? Phil even thought he had a new dad, but there would be problems with that. Phil finished his drawing, and opened his journal.
I am back, and I finally know that homeless man’s name. Its Louis you may think it is not the greatest name for a hobo, but what the heck. My mom made good food. I had to clean my room before I ate. I cannot stop thinking about Louis. I think my mom and him are going to get married. I do not know it is just a guess. I made this cool drawing with an aardvark wearing a hat. I would show you but the piece of paper I did it on was really a toilet bowl cleaner, and my mom’s job is to clean the toilets in the jails. That really stinks, because it was a great drawing. It has been a long day, and I am making this entry long. What time is it? O no it is almost 12:00 PM. I had better get to sleep.
Phil shut his book, but didn’t get ready for bed. He just sat there in the dark thinking about nothing. Then a bunch of stuff just started popping in his head. Phil thought he was some kind of fortune teller or something. He thought about what people were going to say about him at school, “EWWWWWWWW!!!!! Phil’s a robot, and he smells like girl soap.” Phil then chuckled with a shifting of his bed. He saw the light in the hall turn on, and his door opened a few minutes after the light turned on. His mom walked in, Phil really didn’t want to talk to her but he would if he had to, “Phil, I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry for what I did, and that I hope that your not mad at me. Well, of cause your not because I made you my good lettuce pancakes. Were they good? I tried some of them, and I thought that they need ketchup.” Phil sat up, “Yeah, they were ok. I think that they could have used a little more ketchup, too.” Phil’s mom left the room, but didn’t shut the door. Phil fall back down on his bed. He fell asleep after he saw a picture of a tree huger be a whale on a big piece of ice in Africa.













Chapter 2
Phil’s inner box

Phil woke up to the sound of birds all over. He opened his eyes, and found that he was in a tree. Phil was shocked, but he really did not feel like jumping out of the tree. A good thing was that he had known how to go up trees while sleeping. Another good thing is that he read a book about sleeping in trees. Phil looked around to see how far he was from his house. His house was nowhere in the distance that Phil could see. In fact, Phil could not see anything at all. He started to make his way down the tree. Phil falls to his butt. All because he let go of the tree to soon, but it could have gone worse. HE could have broken his arm. Phil started to walk in one direction. Maybe he was going in the wrong direction, but all Phil wanted to do was get to a road so he could at least see where he could be. Phil started to here the sound of more birds, and before long. Phil had found a load of bird drippings on his head. For some reason he started to run. Phil came to a super Wal-Mart shopping center, but there was nothing else around it. No roads or side walks. There was no parking lot. Just a Wal-Mart Super Shopping center was there, and it was not by any dumpsters. Phil walked to the front of the store, and there were millions of people in it. Phil walked in, and saw that everything was free. He started taking referred beans, and creamed corn. Phil really seemed to like beans and corn. Phil then made his way to cleaning stuff. Phil picked out Mr. Clean mopping soap. Then Phil picked up a mop, and went to pay for his stuff. He paid for his stuff, and left the store. Phil got the soap out and put it down on the ground. He then started to run with the mop in his hands. Dropped the mop, and was still running. Still running he came across a long dirt road that had a little old woman sitting in a box. Phil asked the woman what she was doing, and she just looked at him. Phil got in the box, and the old woman started to freak out. He got out and the woman stopped. He put his finger in and the woman almost bit it off. Phil jumped back, and gave the woman a dirty look. Phil walked away from the woman in the box, and came up to a talking dishwasher. The talking dishwasher started to box him. The dishwasher was winning until Phil got mad and hit the dishwasher in the face. The dishwasher started to cry. A car pulled up next to Phil and the old woman from the box was driving it. Phil got in, and the woman started to speed off. All of the sudden Phil fall out of the car, and would not stop falling. He fell until he reached his house, and he landed in the front yard. He got up and went into his house. His mom was looking at the paper, and the Louis looked like he was dead. His mom started throwing things at Louis’s bare face. The hobo finally said something, but it was in a very strange voice, “Stop throwing things at me you old hag!” Phil’s mom stopped and slapped Louis. Then they both got up and ran around like a bunch of idiots. Phil went to where his journal was, and started to write:
Dear journal,
It is 10/03/92, and some very strange things have been happening. The last update I did in this journal was a big one. My hand started to hurt from writing to much that day. Was it yesterday? O yeah yes it was. Never mind. Talking about minds, I really think I am losing mine. I got a free mop, and the idiot that is writing this book put that I paid for a mop when it was free. Wow, I hate when authors mess up books that I am in, and make the things I write all wacky. Yeah really, don’t we all. My mom has been weird, and it’s freaking me out. I just hope nothing else strange happens to me today. Good night sweet journal that I love so much, make sure you do not read your self out loud.
Phil shut his journal. A crash from downstairs made Phil run out of his room, and down the weirdly shaped stairs that could break at any minute, Phil really did not want that to happen it was Louis all over the floor. Phil helped Louis up, but Louis just fell back onto the floor. Phil didn’t know why this was happening. It was a strange day, and a lot of stuff has been happening to Phil. Phil just left the room and sat on the couch. Phil turned on the TV, and the debate was on. The debate made Phil think of John, but Phil really didn’t want to go back into the room that his mom was in, he did not know why either. Phil just wanted to relax yeah right as if that could ever happen. Phil’s mom and Louis came into the room and sat down, “What you watching sweetie pie?” Louis thought that Phil’s mom was talking to him, “I don’t know I just walked in here about 7 seconds ago.” This made Phil think Louis was stupid, “I don’t know either mom. I just turned it on and here it was. You know?” Phil gave the remote to Louis, “Here you can use this... If you have the brain cells even read the little buttons, then I guess I could let you use it.” Phil laughed, and left the room. Louis looked at the remote oddly. Phil went into the fridge, and found that Elmer wasn’t there. Phil looked in the garbage can, and Elmer wasn’t there. Phil forget about it and went to sit on his back porch. Phil just was sitting there, when he heard a gun shot. Phil went where he heard the sound, and there was a man lying on the ground and a man running. Phil ran over to the man that was on the ground, and he wasn’t bleeding. The person on the ground laughed, got up, and ran away. Phil was starting to think that this would go on forever. Phil went home and went to bed.
The next morning he didn’t have to go to school, so he got bored. Phil thought he should make a prank phone call, cause his mother wasn’t home. Phil’s mom was out on a date with Louis. Phil pick up the phone and dialed 555-6907. The answering machine picked up, “Hey we’re not home at the moment. If you could just leave your name, and number we’ll get back to you later.” Phil thought of something to say. It beeped and Phil put on a voice, “Hi. This is Julia Child. I’ve got a great dish that’ll melt in your mouth-an uncooked TV Dinner!” Phil hung up. He typed in another number, and the answering machine picked up. The recording went through, and then it was Phil’s turn, “Is this Mr. Smith? This is the dentist calling. We just want to remind you that you need to come in on a Sunday to get fake teeth.” As Phil hung up the doorbell rang. It was John. Phil talked to him for a while, and then invited John in. They played Monopoly for a while, but then John dropped out. Phil went to clean up the game when a ghost walked into the room eating a Tasty Cake, “Who........ Who........ Who are you?” Phil said with a shaky voice, “I’m Phil....Phil McGraw, or Dr. Phil.” Phil looked at Phil oddly, and Phil made a new friend at that moment. Phil asked Dr. Phil if he wanted to play Monopoly, and he did. They were playing for a really long time un till Phil’s mom’s horse came up the drive way. Dr. Phil disappeared in thin air. Phil felt around the air to see if Dr. Phil was just invisible. He wasn’t there. Phil went down stairs to greet his mom and Louis. They both came in the house laughing, “What’s so funny guys?” Phil asked. They didn’t answer. They both walked into the kitchen, and Phil’s mom started to cook dinner. After awhile it started to smell really good. Phil, his mother, and Louis all ate dinner quiet. No one spoke at all, not even one word was spoken. After Phil ate his dinner he went up stairs, and started to write in his journal:
Hello again,
It’s been awhile since I wrote in here, and I’m really full right now. I’m not going to write a lot because I’m full. Actually I’m going to go to bed. Good night.
Phil shut his book, turned off the light, and then went to bed.
The next day, Phil, got up really early. He went down stairs to the kitchen, and made a cheese sandwich for himself. After he ate his sandwich he went into the living room, but didn’t sit down. He was just standing around doing nothing. The TV wasn’t on, the windows were shut. It was so peaceful. Phil’s mom and Louis were sleeping in their room, and Phil started to get bored after awhile. Phil looked out the window, and the sun was starting to rise. As 10:00 draw near, Phil was cleaning his pocket. All because he was so bored. Phil then started to talk to him self. His mom and Louis came down stairs, and Phil’s mom thought that it was really early. Phil started to think of things to do. He came up with making bottled water. He could make his own bottled water, and then sell all his bottles for money. That would be a great idea, and Phil could make a lot of money. He went up into his room and started to think of a way to make this bottled water. He got a old soda bottle, and started to take the title off of the front of it. He got some water from the bathroom sink, and put paper around the bottle. All so he could make a title for his bottle water. Phil thought he was going to be the best, “I don’t think that this bottled water thing is going to work out well. I’m not going to do it, because it’s just a waste of time.” Phil took the bottle, and put it into the garbage can in his room.
The next morning Phil was feeling a little sick, so he didn’t go to school. Phil had already done his homework, so all he did was read/draw all day. His mom wouldn’t stop bringing up medicines for Phil. Although Phil really didn’t need it, so he just put it under his fluffed up, pink pillow that said “You go girlfriend” Phil’s mother soon found out, and then she stopped bringing Phil medicines. Phil went to his bookcase, and got The Polar Express out, and started to read the back of it. By time he was done reading the back of it, his mother already had breakfast ready. She brought it up to Phil. He really wasn’t up to eating, but he ate it any way. Phil finished the book. He thought it was a really good book. Phil was thinking of writing a book of his own. He thought that it would be a great idea to write his own book. Phil started to think of a good title for the book. Phil came up with a title for his book. He was going to call it “Knee-deep In Snow” Phil’s book would be about getting around in deep snow. It would be a chapter book, but it wouldn’t be very long. Since it is Phil’s first book. He was thinking about making it about nine chapters long. Phil thought he should write this down in his journal:
Dear journal,
It has been awhile since I have written in here. I feel kind of sick today. I read The Polar Express today. It’s a good book. I’m going to start writing a book called Knee-deep In Snow. The book’s going to be about having to go through all that snow in the winter. My book is going to be great. Sorry my black pen ran out of ink so now I have to use this blue one. My mom hasn’t really gone out with Louis in a while. I’m beginning to think they’re not going to get married now. That would be a bad thing and a good thing. Bad because I always wanted step dad. Good because Louis was “at one point” a homeless man living off dead mice. Louis had no good clothes, and his teeth looked like butter. I’m just hoping every thing will be ok in the end. My mom wouldn’t stop bringing me up medicines, and I just put them under my pink pillow. Then my mom found out, and made me take some of them to make the pain go away. My mom sometimes gets on my nerve. Like the other day she didn’t stop looking at me at the dinner table. It was like a monkey wanting a banana. The monkey isn’t going to stop until you throw a brick at it. While I feel like playing monopoly with my self, and then losing so I’ll be there.
Phil started looking for his monopoly broad game. Phil found it under his Barbie Collection. Phil played for about six minutes and stopped. Phil put it away and went on his computer. He looked up chipmunks on www.google.com, and got some little cartoon characters. It wasn’t what Phil was looking for at all. He was looking for a group of ghost sitting on a boat that is lifted into the air by a crane. He just turned off his computer, and listened to music the rest off the time. His mom came up to tuck Phil into bed, but Phil was to busy listening to music. Phil’s mom turned off the music, and grounded Phil for three weeks. That would mean Phil had to make breakfast for the whole time he was grounded. That was the puff of air for not listening to his mother. Phil’s mom could be mean, nice, sad, mad, had, fad, crud, bad, and happy. The thing she was most of the time was mellow. She really wasn’t anything, but mellow. Phil liked when she was mellow, because she wasn’t yelling or not answering any thing. She would just sit around looking for something to do.


















Chapter 3
Louis breaks his leg

Phil wasn’t to happy about being grounded, but he would just have to live with it for three weeks. Phil really didn’t want to make breakfast for so many days. He was thinking of making green eggs, and ham. His mom would get really mad at him, and probably ground him even longer. Phil was just going to make the breakfast for the next few weeks. Phil just sat there thinking about what he was going to make for breakfast. He lay down and fell asleep.
When he woke up he saw his mother coming into his room about to wake him up. It was nine o‘clock in the morning. Phil jumped up and ran down stairs. Louis was sitting down at the table, “I want food!! I want food!!” Louis started to claim down after awhile when he saw Phil running to the stove to make some EGGS and HAM. Not green this time. Phil got the eggs and the ham out, and started to heat them up. When he was done he had to wash some dishes so he could put the eggs and the ham on. He gave his mother and Louis some food. They said thank you, and Phil then went to the bathroom to wash up his face and hands. He went down stairs, and got his own breakfast ready, and then ate it. Then Phil got ready for school. It didn’t take Phil very long to get ready, but to Phil it seemed like it took all day. Phil went out to the corner where he would get the bus. The bus came late, because of a flat on the highway. All the kids were upset that they were missing the best part of the morning. Kitty time. All the kids would go into the smallest room, and look at a box of kittens. Phil really didn’t want to look at the cats today. All Phil wanted to do was get the day over with, because the school had summer vacation. Phil was going to have the worst vacation of his life. Phil had so much work he had to catch up on, and it would have to  take half the summer. His mom would decide that he would be better off doing his work, and then making the breakfast for the three weeks. When Phil got to school he waited, and let all the kids off the bus. He went as slow as he could to the door. The day was very long for Phil. Phil thought it was five o-clock when he got out, but it was only eleven o-clock. He walked home. All though he really wanted to get home so he could call John. He didn’t want to run. When he got home he went to his room, and called John, “Phil!! Are you using the phone?” Phil had forgotten that he was grounded, and he didn’t want to lie to his mom, “yes mom. I’m sorry.” His mother came into Phil’s room, “Well it’s ok since you said sorry, but the next time I‘m going to beat the stuffing out of your shoe” Phil’s mom went down stairs to make dinner. Louis was up stairs taking a shower. He came out of the bathroom smelling the air, “Ha! A nice shower always helps.” Louis started down the stairs. Louis slipped on some water that had leaked out of the bathroom fall. Phil’s mom and Phil got up and ran into the room where the stairs were, “O sweetie what happened?!?” Louis, who was in pain, looked up and said in a tiny voice, “I must of fell on my that water that leaked out of the bathroom. My leg really hurts. I think it’s broken.” Phil’s mom and Phil got Louis up. They took him out side, and got him on Phil’s mom’s horse, “I’ll come and pick you up later, ok? Now go in the house, and clean that water up so you don‘t fall.” Phil was fine with the idea of her coming to pick him up later, “Yes, it’s ok with me. Have fun, and be careful riding up there. I‘ll get that water cleaned up.” Phil’s mom want as fast as she could. It wasn’t very long until Phil’s mom came to pick Phil up. Louis was still at the hospital. Phil’s mom knew that Louis’ leg was broken, but she really didn’t want it to be. Louis would start smelling like he use to smell. When he had no home. When they got to the hospital they had to tie the horse up. Then they went into the room where Louis was. He was on the bed, with a cast on. The doctor came in, with a wheelchair, “Ok sir, get lots of rest, and do not. DO NOT get that cast wet. You understand?” Louis let go of Phil’s mom’s hand, “I totally understand doc.” The doctor left the room. Phil and his mother helped Louis get onto the wheelchair. Phil’s mom pushed him out to the horse. She was thinking of a good way to get Louis home. She was going to give Phil some money, and he would have to take the wheelchair in a taxi. Phil’s mom had to get a lot of people to put Louis on the horse. They rode off. Phil used some of the money to call a taxi. When the taxi came, Phil got on the wheelchair. The driver would think that there’s something wrong with Phil, and would give him a little break if he didn’t have the right amount of money. When Phil got into the taxi. He smelled a odd smell. It smelled like a dying rabbit. The taxi driver finished putting the wheelchair into the back of his car, and got into the car. He put on this odd song about a fibber island. He started to sing it. His voice was a loud annoying little girls voice. He stopped, “This is They Might Be Giants: Fibber Island. This band is so good.” They pulled up to Phil’s house, and the driver just drove off. Without the money. Phil went to the door with the wheelchair. His mom opened the door before Phil even let go of the wheelchair. His mom took the wheel chair from Phil. She put Louis in to it. He started going around in circles. Like a dog chasing it’s tail. Phil’s mom went in to the kitchen, and started to make dinner. Phil sat in a chair watching Louis go around, and around. When his mom was done they went in to the kitchen. There was pie, and lots of it. Pumpkin pie, apple pie, cherry pie, and even cheese pie. Phil almost fell over all the pie that was there, but it wasn’t for Phil or Louis. It was for a pie contest. Who ever had the best homemade pies would get the Kissy-Kissy Pie Crust Award. Phil found that out after he started eating the apple pie, “Philly get away from my pie. That’s for the judges, and I’m going to get the Kissy-Kissy Pie Crust Award. Even if I have to the store, and buy pies…… Yes, that’s what I’m going to do. Louis I’ll be back. Just keep a eye on the roast beef, and make sure Phil does his home work. Bye-bye.” Phil’s mom got on her horse, and rode to Big Kmart by the Michaels(Arts and Crafts Store) in Quakertown. Phil went up to do his homework, and Louis pretty much sat around. After Phil was done doing his homework he went down stairs, and checked the roast beef that was in the oven. It was almost down. Phil knew when his mother got home it would be done, but Louis didn’t. Louis didn’t stop checking the oven to make sure it wasn’t getting burned. Of course he would have been able to smell it if it was burning. When Phil’s mom got home they ran to the table. His mom got the beef out of the oven, and they ate all of it. Phil had to clean up the table, because Louis didn’t have to. Since his leg was broken. After Phil was done cleaning off the table, his mom told him to go to bed. He didn’t, but he did write in his journal.
Chapter 4
Phil Has to go to the Dentist

Hello,
I haven’t wrote in here in awhile, and I still haven’t gotten a new pen. Louis broke his leg, and now my mom is rushing to do everything for him. It’s so annoying. Louis doesn’t do anything now that he broke his leg. All he does is sit around in his wheelchair going around in circles. He will not stop doing it either. It’s making me sick. I wish he would just stop thinking he is some kind of show plane showing off for the queen of England. I didn’t know why either.
Phil stopped writing when he heard his mother come into the house. She had gotten the pie, and some Broccoli. Yum! Phil loved broccoli. It was one of those kinds of foods he liked. He ran down stairs just to make sure his mom had nothing to tell Phil, or just wanted to say hi, “Hey mom! Was the store busy?” Phil really couldn’t care if it was busy, or not he just likes to ask that question, “No Philly it was really empty today. Yesterday it was packed full of people buying their wife’s giraffes, but I guess they didn’t have any money today.” Phil’s mom looked at Phil, and rolled her eyes, “Well, Hon I better go start dinner up. You better get something nice on before that judge comes. I’m going to win that Kissy-Kissy Pie Crust Award. That Martha Stewart has not a nickel on this bet, so why wouldn’t I win?” Phil didn’t know if she wanted a answer, or not. He thought of something good to say, “Yeah, she doesn’t stand a chance. She’ll be kitty-corned by time the judge is done with her pies.” Phil thought that using words that a mother talking to a two-year old would make him sound cool. Louis rolled into the room, he also ran over Phil’s newly washed wool socks, “What’s for dinner?” Louis asked in a weird chipmunk/squirrel/raccoon/panda sea lion voice, like if they were playing checkers in the middle of the park on a summer day, all awhile it’s snowing. Phil was kind of freak out that Louis could do better voices than him, “Broccoli with corned rice, and a piece of olive donut to go with it. For desert we will have my salad surprise stuffed with mashed potatoes and horse kidney beans, and today we will all be eating off this little piece of ham, that I got from this cave that had ninja bears.” Phil and Louis thought that this was to good to be true, so they both walked into the living room. Both had nothing to say, and were stunned on how she said that all in one little breath. They turned on the television, and there was an Infomercial on an exercise machine called Bo Flex. Phil was thinking about what he would look like if he worked out. The weird thing jumped into his head. He was picturing himself at the gym. He had gone to the gym every day for thirty-nine years, and every day that he went to the gym he would lose 6789 and ½ pounds. Then, Phil got a picture of what he would look like, and he got a picture of that little vacuum on Teleatubies that eats everyone’s toast. Phil Laughed at his silly-willy thought. Phil’s mom was having a heck of a time trying to cook, and make sure that no one saw her salad surprise. It didn’t sound very yum to Phil for Phil never had a so called salad. Why don’t they just call them lettuce? It is a much better name then salad. Phil also wondered about what a salad hamburgers would taste like. Phil thought it might taste like Ranch dressing that a cow reproduced six weeks ago. A bell want off, and scared Phil. He walked into the kitchen and his mom started yelling Greek/pig Latin at him, “Get out of here you…….you donkey. Get out before I go all -fu on your shoe. Do you like my ? Yeah it is great. Now you know that you shouldn’t just walk in here like a hunter at a  moose race. Don’t you?” Phil was once again stunned, but this time he fell over, “Serves you right!” It seemed that Phil’s mother liked to yelled at Phil and Louis. Phil had never known that she could seek Greek or Pig Latin. When Phil opened his eyes he was in his room. He wondered how he got up there. Maybe the pie picked me up and threw me through the roof. Maybe. Phil went downstairs, and his mom said that he would have to go to the dentist in a few days, because he had knocked some of his teeth out. The dentist would have to check, and make sure that those teeth weren’t adult teeth. Then she said sorry, and gave Phil a hug. Phil really didn’t want to go to the dentist, but what ever had to happen was going to happen. After the hug, Phil ran to the nearest mirror. His three front teeth, and one of his molars were knocked out. Phil thought he looked like his grandmother, but a lot younger and had more teeth then she did. His grandmother lived far away in a big Styrofoam tree. Phil didn’t know her that much. All he knew was that she was old and had roses growing out of the top of her head. Phil had heard that she dressing like a elephant that is going to a picnic in the dog park. Phil was starting to think that his grandma might be a circus clown, but he didn’t know if she had a small car, “Phil come on it’s time for dinner!” Louis was yelling so loud that they didn’t even hear a bus smack into the living room’s wall. Phil ran down and got all nice, ate, then played cards with Dr. Phil in the rabbit toe room till the pie judge came. Phil’s mom got the award and hit Martha with a bar of soap that she keeps as a necklace (soap brings good luck). She had had that necklace for the longest time. After Phil mom was done crying, everyone want to bed.  
The next morning Phil didn’t have to make breakfast, because his mom said that he was through enough to make up what he did. They all got ready, and went to the dentist. They had to wait in the waiting room for hours. When they got called they were lead to a tiny office. A little Apple rolled into the room, and jumped up on the desk, “Hello, I’m the Little Apple that could, and I will be checking your mouth to make sure all those nasty little germy wormies  aren’t crawling in the deep cave called the mouth.” Phil liked the Little Apple that could already. When the Little Apple that could was done looking for those mean germy wormies, he said that Phil would have to get plastic surgery on his forehead so the hair can grow better. Phil was kind of ok with this he really didn’t know why, “OK, but were they adult teeth?” Phil’s mom didn’t understand it either, “O, no they’ll grow back in a few weeks.” Phil, Louis, and his mom were O.K with that. They left the dentist, and went to get a ice cream. When they got to the ice cream store Phil got a huge ice cream that started to melt on his hand. He had to get a napkin that said Subway. He whiled it around he hand pretending it was some kind of amusement park. When he was done he put it in his pocket, just because it smelled good.
Chapter 5
The Well

When Phil was done with his ice cream his mom started to drive. Phil did not recognize the way they were going, but he did know that he could become a ninja at any second. His mom slammed on the brakes and Phil looked up. To his surprise they were falling down a well made by a 98 year-old Russian named Jeannette. Jeannette heard the yelling, and ran out side. She looked down the well, and saw the break lights of the car. She jumped in after them, thinking she could save them. The car just stopped, but it wasn’t damaged. Then, there was a thump on the back of the car it was Jeannette. She had hit the back of the car, sometimes called the “Trunk”. It opened, and she started to slide into it. Phil’s mom was very weirded out by all that was happening. She really wanted to know why they had stopped, and why something had just hit the “Trunk”. Phil unlocked the seat and pulled it down. Jeannette started to slide the rest of the way down into the car. Phil had recognized that she was the one that did all those cute voices for the Care Bears. Phil loved that show so much. He watched it all the time at home, “Louis can you get out of the car and see why we have stopped? If it’s some kind of animal can you get the Chess Player-be-gone, so the car doesn’t smell like them? You know how I am with smells.” Louis snarled and opened the door. He fall at thirty-nine feet before having his ears pop off. When he landed he looked up at what the car was stopped by. It was a giant balloon, and it had arms. It kind of looked like the vacuum on that Teleatubies, but it didn’t eat the cars oatmeal, “Hey, candy pie, it’s a balloon. I’m sure it can float us back up!” Louis then looked around to see why the balloon hadn’t got them up before he had to get out of the car. It was a little bunny rabbit with the string tied around it‘s ear. The bunny started to fad away, and Phil noticed that the old lady smelled like popcorn. They started to float back up to the land they once call The Great Nation of India. When they landed on the ground Phil looked at the lady that came through the trunk. She was kind of half dead, and half alive. She looked up at Phil, then her head opened up. It made Phil think of Men in Black. There was a little Care Bear, and it got up and started to yell at Phil. She/it was yelling about how cracker jacks don’t have a say in this world, and should be shot like a rabid turkey. It went back into the lady, and the lady started to slide through the trunk. She got up and ran away. At that moment, Phil’s mom leaned over to see if she was really hearing some one yell out Phil’s name. She remembered that Louis was still down in the well. She made Phil clime down the well, and get him out. It was easy on the way down, but on the way up it was harder. Even when Louis was on his back. Louis’s nails were digging it to Phil’s neck, as he tried to clime up the well that was covered in chicken casserole. Phil was slipping and sliding, just like that one summer game. Phil just stopped trying and they both sat down in the muck that was once mitten yarn. Phil tried some of the mitten yarn, and it was pretty good. Louis looked like he was about to cry. Phil thought it was because Louis would have to live in the poor state that he did before. All homeless with no shoes to chew on. Phil now could hear Louis crying, and he started to pat him on the shoulder. Phil then started to get up the well again. Louis was following his steps, and they then fell back into the well. Things weren’t getting better, by that time Phil’s hands had felt like they just got bitten off by a Kwela Bear. They hurt like there wasn’t no Apple Sauce day. Phil looked up, and saw the front of his mother’s car moving toward the side of the well. Then it almost dropped, but she backed up in time. Phil and Louis had no idea what she was doing, but they didn’t like it. I rope dropped from out of a little hole in the well, and a mouse’s head popped out. The mouse head seemed to be hungry looking for people to munch upon. Phil checked his pockets to see if he had any thing that would be use full to fight off the dirty vermont that was going to save them for Vegetable Soup. Louis didn’t like the way vegetable soup tasted. Then the mouse climbed down the rope. The mouse graded Phil and Louis, and ran back up the rope. When they got to the hole, the mouse sucked them in through a vacuum cleaner that said “Dirt Devil” on the side. Phil felt kind of bad because his mom was probably still trying to get them out of the hole. The mouse shot Louis out, and then Phil. They were in a small living room. It was really nice, but the sofa had a little soda spot on the right hand side. The coffee table seemed to be made out of rubber bands, and newspaper from the 1800’s. Phil tried to read some of the newspaper on the table, and he had no idea what it said, “I see you’re trying to read that. Yeah, I have no idea what it is supposed to mean either. I just picked it out of some guys shoe box.” Louis was kind of freaked out about the happy little mouse that could speak Louis. The little mouse lead Louis and Phil through a tunnel, and then they saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Well, it was a hole, but the sun was shining through it. They got out of the hole, and bumped their heads on something hard. It was the car that was saved by the balloon-holding rabbit. The car moved and they got out of the hole. Phil’s popped out, and gave Louis a hug. Then gave Phil a kiss but had to wash her face, to get the un-wanted lipstick that Phil was wearing off. Phil didn’t know why he was wearing lipstick in the first place. They got into the car and drove home. When they got home Phil ran up stairs, and got on his computer. He looked up Jeannette on www.google.com, and came up with a care bear that was hugging a three-year old girl in the Disney World. He then came to a well. It was the same well that they had drove down. Phil clicked on the link. It told him all about the well, and who had made it. Phil was amazed on how much that women had put into that well to make it as it is now. At that moment Phil heard the doorbell ring. He ran down the stairs, and swag it opened. It was Jeannette, “Hello, I think we meet before. My name is Jeannette. I was the person who made that well, that I tried to save you guys then I made that rabbit with the balloon save you. Then, when I saw you and that other guy were down there. I made the mouse go and get you out.” Phil let her in because she was really cool, “Ummm, I had a question.” Phil was just wanting her to ask him any thing, “Do you think I could stay here over night, because I have no home?” Phil was so excited he almost wet his bed, “Yes, you can stay as long as you would like.” Jeannette was happy that they let her stay. She walked in, and sat next to Louis. Phil sat next to her, “Hi, I’m Phil. I know all about your well. It was so fun to learn about it.” Jeannette just looked at him with a weird face. She then turned her head to the television, and saw that they were making windshield wipers. Phil had read that Jeannette built the factory for making windshield wipers in Japan. A picture of her showed up on the screen. Then the person started talking about her life, and how she was the main character in The Wubbulous World Of Dr. Seuss. After they want into great details about the making of Terminator. All though it had nothing to do with Jeannette it was cool to watch. In the end the Terminator turned into a flower throwing goat, that ate every ones sweeter socks. Phil really wanted to get it now, but his mom said it would be to cool for him. The people that were touring the factory stopped in their tracks, then they looked up into the sun. They them fell on the ground and start mooing like pigs. After they mooed one of the guys got up, did a dance. That guy turned into a dolphin with a wallet that had some ones ID duck taped to the back of it, “O, no my huma-deports not again! I hate when this happens!”  Jeannette ran out the door, and Louis, Phil’s mom, and Phil heard a cabs horn. Then a car speed off. They left the television on, and they saw the little old lady run into the factory. She picked the one guy that didn’t turn into a dolphin, and start cleaning it’s ear. When she was done she started hitting the one that turned into a donkey with a mole-filled shoe. The dolphin turned back into a regular person again. Jeannette ran out of the factory as fast as a donkey driving a refrigerator into a green brick wall. Louis heard a door shut, “O God, should we let her in?” Phil’s mom didn’t know if they should or not, but Phil wanted to, “Yes, we are going to let her in, because she could really help us right now.” Phil felt like yelling, but he didn’t. The door opened, “Sorry, I had to make sure everything was going to be ok at the factory. I really hate when they look into the sun.” Phil was freaked out but his hair was still sitting down on his back. He tried not to pock her nose, but his hand just wouldn’t stop. Phil touched her nose. She yelped out, and did a Michael Jackson dance. Phil was pretty much tried of all these dances, so he showed them how to dance. He did the Hokey-Pokey and turned himself around. Then he landed on the floor. A piece of crab cake popped out of Phil’s pocket, and Phil started break dancing. When he was done break dancing he got up, and bowed to Louis and Jeannette. His mom was in the kitchen making Turkey Sandwich Soup. It started to smell like Dinosaur Gummy Bears that tasted like Jell-o. Jeannette was very impressed on how good Phil could dance. Jeannette was actually mad that she couldn’t break it done like that. Phil ran into the kitchen to get a glass of milk. He opened the door of the refrigerator, and Elmer plopped out on the floor, “Now, Phil why did you go, and knock Elmer on the floor? I just moped it with me special ice cream soap The Whopper Lover. It’s a great soap you have to try it some time.” Elmer looked up at Phil with a strange face, “Yeah, but I have to tell ya it is smelling good.” Elmer then plopped back into the fridge, Phil didn’t got the milk that he had came in for. Jeannette walked in, and slipped on the random placed lamp. Jeannette wasn’t hurt, but was crying. She was scared of falls. Not just water falls. She hated the season to. All fall long she would cry about how the colors were to brownish/reddish, “Are you ok Jeannette?” Phil’s mom ran over to help her up, “Yeah, I guess I’m ok. It’s just that I hate fall(s).” Phil was feeling a bit tried so he want to his room, and fell asleep on his bed.


















Chapter 6
The Couch Eating Pastry

The next morning Phil got up with a roar like a lion. He had no idea of what he was doing, or why he was doing it. It just came out like milk on top of a tree. Phil wished that he didn’t have to get up, but he got up anyway. For no reason, he got up. It was 5:07(CT), and he was wide awake. He tried to go back to bed but the sleeping fairies forced him to stay awake. He went downstairs to see if he could get anything to drink that would make him tired. Phil looked through out the cabinets in a dismal way. Then, in the corner of his eye he saw the Folger’s Coffee. Just sitting all alone by itself, with not one Phil to drink it. Phil rushed with it in his hands over to the counter. He opened it, he got the worst taste of Russian graham crackers. He then thought twice about making some of it, and decided not to. All because he did want to make it seem like he was eating anything from foreign states. It would be kind of weird for Phil. Phil always kind of stayed with the kind that came from Canada. Although it was from a different state, but Phil did seem to like the Texas Garlic Toast they made. Phil thought it tasted like cinnamon buns with sticky out sides. Yum-Yummy in Phil’s Tummy. Phil went back up stairs thinking he was going to get to fall asleep, but the funny thing is that he really did fell asleep. He fell asleep on the wrong side of the bunk. His dream started out weird, because there was dinosaurs dressed up as maids walking around his house. Then, out of nowhere a giant pastry popped into the backyard. The pastry was whispering about something to his hand, then he spotted Phil lying on the kitchen counter acting like a tree. The pastry walked over to him, it yelled out, “Turkey” Phil thought that this was the pastries name, so he from then called it Turkey. It was kind of weird, but Phil thought it fit the pastry well. Phil ran into the kitchen so the pastry couldn’t get him. Turkey walked into the room, and Phil ran behind whatever he could. It was a couch that he was hiding behind. Phil didn’t know what to do, but then a thought came to his head. The thought was to throw the couch at Turkey. Phil started to pick the couch up. Turkey looked at him with a, “Huh?” Phil threw the couch. Turkey got it in his mouth and started to chew. Phil was starting to get goose bumps, and he had no idea what was to happen next. He ran out side, and looked through the window. He could just see the pastry through it. It looked around, and saw the door was way open. Turkey then started walking at. He wobbled like a penguin. Phil laughed in his head. He didn’t want to laugh out loud, because Turkey might hear him. Turkey was in sight. He stopped in his tracks, looked around, and saw nothing. Turkey went back into the house. Phil was thinking about what he should do, and he thought about John. He jumped out of the bushes, and started to ran as fast as he could to John’s house. Phil got up to the door, and knocked. There was no answer the first time, so he knocked again and again un till some one opened the door. It was John’s dad, “Hey Phil! What are you all out of breath for, did you see something scary?” Phil looked up at him with wide eyes, still breathing without stopping, “N…n…….no sir, but I just ran down here to see John.” John’s dad told Phil to come in, and that he would get John for him, “Hey Phil what are you doing here?” Phil’s head was going so crazy all that he had to say was, “It’s a long story, but I’m telling you now don’t go out side, or down to my house. All because there is a big couch eating pastry named Turkey. It was going to either eat me, or hug, and I don’t think I can take either.” John had no answer, “Ok, I’ll stay home then. I was going to go to your house today, because you haven’t talked to me in awhile.” Phil sat back and tried to relax. He fell asleep. His dream was about him going back to his house. The pastry would walk up to him, and gave him a napkin. Then, it would bring in brownies. Phil woke up, and told John that he had to leave because he wanted to see what would happen. He walked home, trying not to run. He didn’t know what was going to happen. He wanted to see, the whole way home he thought about the pastry. When he got to the front yard, he found that the pastry was sitting in a yarn chair in the front yard. Turkey took off his sun glasses, “Hi, I’m Turkey. I don’t mean you any harm I just wanted to be your friend, and yes I do eat couches. If you want you can grab a yarn chair and sit with me. I get lonely some times, so I do hope you want to be my friend.” Phil thought that it was a good idea that he went back to the house. He ran to get a chair, and sat by Turkey. They sat for about nine hours. Then, got up and went into the house to watch some television. There was nothing good on. Phil just kept surfing through the channels. Phil almost fell off of the surf board, but saved himself at channel 56. The news was on, and he stopped there. They were talking about how helicopters play checkers to, but then they started talking about Turkey. They were saying that Turkey had no friends, and that he called in asking them if they could tell everyone that he was looking for friends. The thing that Phil wanted to know was what was Turkey doing at his house? How did Turkey get to his house?

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